Thursday, June 5
Wait. Is this really June? Really? Well, so far this June sucks. It’s more like March. It’s cold out. It’s cloudy and gray. Oh yeah, it’s Portland. Where did I think I was when I woke up?
Anyway. I could rant on and on about how messed up the seasons are out here. But when it’s good, man, it’s unbelievable. Portlanders have to hang on to that, grasp it like a dream, else crazy takes over. Seriously.
Anyway, I woke up groggy. But I got out of bed and took a warm shower – it was like an Irish Spring commercial. Well, not really. But I have some amazing aromatherapy body scrubs and washes (in ginger, lemongrass, citrus, rosemary and sage) that seriously do invigorate. Won’t change your life, but will get your butt to work.
Again with the neti pot and Wellness supplement. That’s been my sinus infection exit strategy. So far, so good. And by the time I left the house I was feeling better, or at least clear. But about mid-commute I was getting congested. It’s so weird, the way of my nasal passages.
I got to work and took a Claritan-D. I then made a cup of Yogi Chammomile tea and got back to work.
Oh, and for lunch I had the best gluten free sandwhich I have ever had, to date. I cut two slices of Whole Food’s Honey Oat gluten free bread, which is amazing. The trick with gluten free bread is to stick it in the microwave for a few minutes. This minimizes the typical crumbling. I added organic smoked turkey breast (no nitrates or hormones, etc.), fresh, organic Romaine lettuce, organic white cheddar cheese slices and mustard. I also had an organic dill pickle. It was a great lunch!
My co-worker was so sweet to bring me a gluten free chocolate cookie she picked up at Whole Foods. I had it with some fresh cherries I brought. The cookie was more like a brownie. So good.
But by 4:15 I was feeling like I was going to pass out. I very suddenly got tired and started to get warm. Then I began to sweat a little. Then I was hot. I knew I had a fever again. My co-worker gave me an Aleve and I went home. I was done.
I ordered some chicken Pho for dinner for take out. I was still congested. Great. As I sat back and ate my dinner, I heard a news report on why men are supposedly afraid of getting married. They fear the marriage will end badly, with a bitter divorce, leaving them in financial ruin.
On one hand, I can see their point. But, on the other hand I find this incredibly demeaning and depressing. First, it makes me think of nothing but greed. I guess it really is all about money. But, I even stated in one of my recent posts that so many marriages today are less about love, respect and companionship, and are more like business transactions. Mergers. Or sometimes acquisitions. If men keep this fear or greed, or whatever you want to call it, in the back of their minds when they are making a commitment to a woman, then they are pretty much doomed, as far as I’m concerned.
It seems to me if these men were more confident and competent in making a choice for a mate then they shouldn’t be worrying about divorce – and believe me, I know it goes both ways. I’m just saying that a thoughtful, mature man (or woman) should be able to make a sensible decision in who he (she) chooses to marry. And it takes a lot of hard work to make a marriage last.
I think another part of the problem is with people who marry too young (before 30, in my opinion), as they have more than 50% chance of falling to a fate of divorce. I think people who marry in their 20′s are a little crazy. It seems to me that for those who grow up and live an independent adult life in their 20′s, well, they’ll have more time to become financially secure (both men and women), to figure out who they are and what they have to offer, and to discover what it is they really want out of life and a partner. So, if you give yourself ample time to learn those very important things, by the time you’re in your thirties, and older, you are better positioned to make sensible decisions in selecting the right kind of partner and securing an enduring, strong marriage. Statistics will teach you that. And statistics don’t lie!!
If, I mean when I become a successful writer, and if, I mean when I meet ‘the one’, am I going to have to get him to sign a pre-nup? Now that I know that men fear financial ruin from divorce, I don’t want to make myself, or my hard-earned financial success, fall to ruin, either. Still, that’s so unromantic to me. Perhaps practical, but unromantic.
It often seems like there’s no room for faith in love and marriage in today’s world. The disease of divorce spreads too quickly like a pandemic. It’s shocking to me how many men in their thirties are divorced in Oregon. I’m not really sure what’s going on with the women, but I’ll assume they’re the other halves of that. These are the guys who married in their 20′s, the guys who seem to really fear financial ruin if they marry a second time. And who can blame them? And if the divorce was their fault (cheating, abuse, addictions) that is likely to cost them more in a divorce, I imagine.
I guess if there’s any fear going into a potential marriage, wheather its rooted in finances, lack of self esteem, lack of trust – whatever – there’s a red flag. And that person should know when to walk away. But too many people settle and find themselves in less than desirable situations. And live to regret it, in one way or another.
So, I don’t know how to resolve this issue, not that I’m trying to resolve it. But, I think it’s silly for men to mope around with fear of marriage because they don’t want to fall to financial ruin. If you end up making a really bad decision, especially the obvious ones, like marrying a golddigger just because she’s hot, or cheating on a sweet, devoted wife – you’re setting yourself up for financial ruin! And I think you’re upping your chances for it, too, if you marry when you’re still a kid. Hint to yourself -you probably shoudn’t marry if you can barely balance your checkbook
Seriously. What is the rush?? If you meet the person you’re supposed to be with forever, then wait. If they’re really the one, they’ll still be there when you’ve grown up a little. Because you’re meant to be with them forever. Right? It’s a good test to see if you’re with the right person.
By the time you’re in your 30′s you don’t necessarily need the same kind of test. It’s funny. I actually laugh when I think about my twenties. Now. At the time, well, my twenties were full of all kinds of growing pains. Learning how to be fiscally responsible, figuring out what I wanted to do with my life, learning to live on my own. These were incredibly important. Equally important was putting myself in debt, travelling to Europe where I had a couple of amazing love stories, and chasing my dreams.
Interestingly enough, I could have been married twice in my twenties. And I was soooo in loooove. I was convinced that I was mature enough and ready for it. I am so glad that I didn’t do it. I’d either be divorced now or very unhappily married. I am a totally different person than I was back then and it truly is a blessing that I got to have that precious time to learn so much about myself. I really do have so much more to offer someone now at this age (34) than I ever could as a 20-something girl. And that means I’m looking for a totally different kind of man to share my life with, as well. But… that’s just me.
Anyway. For those who are afraid of financial ruin from divorce, whether they were married and divorced before, or if they’re over 30, guys, lighten up and maybe get some therapy. Everyone needs therapy, so don’t feel bad. But, seriously, you guys need to talk to someone about those fears. And if you’re that afraid, perhaps you’ll need a prenup to feel secure. Nuff said. I think I’ve beaten this dead horse beyond inhumane cause for imprisonment.
