Day 307: An Awakening

Sunday, July 20

I slept in, which was lovely.  I stripped down my bed and put in a load of laundry.  I emptied the dishwasher and then read some.

I drove to Sherwood to the Target to look for some decorations for the pre-IPNC wine dinner.  I found some large, flat river stones that I’m going to use in place of place cards.  I picked up a couple of metallic gold paint pens to write names down on the river stones.  And then I bought some smaller river stones to place loose on the tables.

From Target I drove to the Mt. Tabor neighborhood for some much needed yoga at my favorite studio, Yoga Union.  I went to the 3:30 Hot Flow class, which means the studio was hot like Bikram, and the movements were really challenging.  This afternoon’s focus was on the shoulders.  It was a  great overall body workout, but a nice, strengthening shoulder flow.  I sweat like crazy.  And…I was distracted by a very cute, muscular twenty-something man. 

Mid-way through the class he took off his shirt, and at first I kept trying to look away.  I kept telling myself to focus!  But I couldn’t stop peeking.  It was like a train wreck, only beautiful.  He was astonishing!  I felt like a voyeur as I continued to glance at his perfect muscles as they rippled and hardened with each challenging yoga pose.  I watched the sweat glisten on his body and, for a moment, I wanted to be the sweat glistening on his body!  I had to cool off – only it was 96 degrees in the studio!  The good news was that, after being in a fog for over two years, I realized that I wasn’t angry, sad or afraid of men anymore – if it’s fair to put my feelings into that light.  The good news was that all of those negative thoughts were out of my system, and in a good, healthy yoga class I found my romantic prana.  And it made me smile.  Blush, too.  It was an awakening.

After my class I took a cold shower in the locker room.  I scrubbed my hair clean, and used an exfoliating wash cloth to slough off the dead skin cells.  I felt clean and renewed after my hard and invigorating workout.  I drove down to the Pearl District and met Kerry for dinner at Bay 13.  I was in the mood for sushi.  The highlight was their Manhattan with the luscious amarone cherry.  It’s one of the best Manhattans in town.  I also had the Bay 13 sushi roll with wheat-free tamari sauce. 

We were seated outside on the loungey sofas with a view of the 24 Hour Fitness gym.  We kept gawking at all of the cute men walking in and out.  We called Susan and convinced her to meet us out.  We were, after all, celebrating Summer Sundays.  I came up with this concept back when we had an unusually hot spell in May.  It was the Sunday of that weekend that we convened at Clyde Common and drank bubbles and I declared it the start of Summer Sundays – when we’d meet for good food, good cocktails, good wine and no worries bout the fading weekend.  The thought was to launch the work week on a good note with an enjoyable Summer Sunday.  It was kind of like a Jimmy Buffet concept, really.

So, tonight was no exception.  Susan met us for dinner.  The weather was great and there were so many attractive men to look at in this neighborhood – a perfect combination for this group of sassy, free spirited women! 

After Bay 13, we walked along 13th Street toward Powell’s at the other end of the Pearl.  We went to Mio Gelato and ordered our favorite summer treat.  I had a small cup with one scoop of Mascarpone and one scoop of Cioccolato gelato.  It was divine.  We wandered through Powell’s and just loved being in the company of so many books.  I didn’t buy anything, as I forgot my book list that I created at Summer Fishtrap.

I got home and was really content.  My energy is good.  I feel good – balanced and really happy.  I could write that good things are to come.  But, that’s life.  You get good times and bad times cycling in and out of your days.  I went through a bad patch with my accident and my current financial stress.  But, I really do feel good things coming – both on the literary front and in the places in my heart.

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Day 306: Shopping, The Rematch of the Century & Mamma Mia!

Saturday, July 19

I got up, ate some fresh cantaloupe and headed over to Kadel’s Auto Repair to get stuff out of my car.  It was hard to see my Goldie Hawn left behind in an auto body shop.  The damage was about $3000, not including labor.  I would have to report the figure to the DMV, as it is Oregon law to report any accident damage starting at $1500. 

Kadels was right by Washington Square Mall, so I did the irresponsible thing and headed over for some retail therapy.  I picked up a few cute summer shirts and a dress.  Everything was on sale, so I felt good about that.  On my way home, I caught up with my sister on the phone.  She mentioned that our brother was going through a rough time and might call off his engagement. 

 

I got home and hung up my new stuff, made healthy nachos for a late lunch, then began working on edits for my novel, following my first writer’s group meeting on Wednesday.  I ran the dishwasher and played with India and Capri, working out some clumping on Capri’s back.  Her fur practically turns into dread locks, only short and uneven.

 

I talked to my mom for a bit, mostly to check in on my brother.  I talked to him briefly, long enough to be there for him as he shared that he was, in fact, going to break off the engagement at 8:00 p.m., east coast time.  I could hear the turmoil in his voice.  He loved her.  He just couldn’t go through with the wedding and marriage.  I think he knew, in his heart and in his gut, that she didn’t love him the way he loved her.

 

My stomach was in knots.  At 4:45 I was watching Rocky II (which might be my favorite Rocky movie – I mean, it was called ‘The Rematch of the Century’!!) and he was well into his fight with Apollo Creed, getting a beating to the face, and all I could think about was the emotional beating my brother was about to endure.  He was heading over to his fiance’s house, right as I was watching the movie, and he was going to call off the wedding, end his engagement, end his relationship with a woman who has been directing the course of his life for the past year.  He has been pained over this for weeks, but the trials of looking for a place to live and dealing with the ongoing fighting, well, he realized they were not compatible and that things were not good.  I knew this was a very difficult decision for my brother.  And it pained me to know what he was going through.  My stomach was in terrible knots.

 

Finally, after Rocky II was over, I got on the phone and called my mom’s cell.  I was so worried about him.  My mom said to check in tomorrow.

 

I eventually changed and drove over to Bridgeport Village to meet the girls.  We got tickets for the 7:50 show of Mamma Mia.  We were initially going to grab noodles at Zao, but we were a bit behind schedule, so we went into a Mediterranean place near the movie theater.  I had a gyro without the bread, served with basmati rice, tomato, lemon and a cucumber salad on the side.  It was actually pretty delicious.  We got our food to go, to hasten the eating process, and found a wall to sit on with enough space to scarf down our food quickly.  Just as we were getting settled, I saw one of best friends from high school, Melanie, who has been living in Tualatin for a few years now.  We were very close in high school.  I had been meaning to reach out to her a number of times.  I met her husband, who seemed very nice.  I gave her my card and mentioned we should meet up with two other classmates who live out here.

 

The movie was…interesting.  As far as I’m concerned, Madame Meryl Streep can do no wrong.  I loved her in this role.  And can she sing!  She played the role of Donna, more than slightly over the top, but that was the charm.   The whole movie was over the top.  But the Grecian island setting was dreamy and fantastical, and the production reminded me a bit of Xanadu.  The music was entertaining, but at times seemed awkward.  Pierce Brosnan and Colin Firth were wonderful, though their singing was on that awkward scale.  Donna’s best friends Rosie and Tanya (portrayed by Julie Walters and Christine Baranski) were a delight.  All of the scenes with these three fun-loving ladies made the film.  Often raunchy, goofy and downright hilarious, their scenes and musical numbers were the most entertaining. 

And, it should be noted the young woman who portrayed Donna’s daughter, Sophie, portrayed by Amanda Seyfried, was phenomenal.  This was probably her break-out performance.  She looked like a mermaid through out the film!  All in all, Mamma Mia was luminous and fun.  By the end, we were out of our seats clapping, dancing and singing along to “Dancing Queen” and other final numbers.

 

After the movie, we walked over to Tutto Bene for some gelato.  I had a small cup of one scoop coconut and one scoop chocolate.  Delicioso!  It was getting cool out, so I had a small decaf cappuccino.  Susan, Kerry and I gabbed about dating, per usual.  We had some good laughs. 

 

I got home to a couple of love starved cats.  We snuggled on the sofa watching a repeat episode of SNL, with Christopher Walken as the guest host.  This was the episode when he was reading off of the cue cards to a point that it was a distraction.  Oh well.  I decided not to stay up for the whole show, and gathered up the kitties to turn in.  I was re-reading Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain, an engaging and entertaining guilty pleasure.

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Day 235: Alone & Off My Path Toward Enlightenment, But with a Cup of Gelato in My Hand…

Thursday, May 8
8:50 p.m.

After considering my ailments, I have thought about the fact that I am not doing yoga and I’m not meditating.  I had been on a path - listening to different Rinpoches teach about peace, elightenment and compassion; promising myself to take the time to meditate and do yoga; following my gluten-free diet with precision, etc.  I really felt like I was finding something, discovering something – learning and improving.

And then I stumbled off that path.  I wonder if this is part of the course??

I woke up still feeling queasy from the night before, but I did have a great night’s sleep.  I couldn’t eat anything too sweet or heavy this morning.  So I made toast from brown rice bread and drank a glass of sparkling water.  At work, I still had no appetite.  For lunch, I ate sprouted brown rice with a little salt and pepper and a bottle of Vitamin water.

I left work a litle early today to meet my colleague/friend at Upper Deck for the Redwings/Dallas game that started at 4:30 p.m.  I got there before her and saw Mike from Michigan (from last week).  He invited me to sit with him.  Soon, my friend joined us.  And then some of her friends.  And then we met a guy who just moved here, another Redwings fan named Chris.  We became a sudden cadre of Redwings support.  They won 4-1.

I drank four glasses of ginger ale, some chips and salsa, and then I had a burger without the bun with a side salad.  On my way home, I took the Bridgeport Village exit to pick up a gelato – half panacotta and half pistachio.  It was cold outside but still I longed for the sweet, refreshing, creamy, loveliness of gelato.  I walked back to my car, the cold cup of gelato in one hand, the other clasping a small, plastic spoon sweeping up curl after glorious cold curl, and I sat in my car in the parking garage to finish enjoying the treat.  I was alone. 

I thought about this while the nutty and caramel flavors melted in my mouth.  I went to an ice cream shop by myself.  I had never done that.  I’ve dined out by myself.  I’ve gone to movies by myself.  But, I have never gone to an ice cream shop by myself before.  It’s weird, when I was a teen my favorite date was going to the Baskin Robbins in the Twinbrook shopping center with my sweetie.  Summer time in Virginia, with its hot, humid and languid nights, joy and refreshment came in the form of an ice cream cone.  All the other young couples were there, too, scattered between a few small families. 

Anyway.  I am not sad about being alone.  I am thoughtful and reflective about it – in seeking inner peace and in discovering my purpose. 

But, it was really nice to sit quietly and still in my car and to be reflective and grateful for my gelato – and so many other blessings that have come my way.

Now, if only I can get back on track with all of that mindful, spiritual, healthy living…

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Day 166: Leap Day

Friday, February 29
11:47 p.m.

Another productive day at work.  I am in the process of updating portions of our website, including the staff section.  There were 4 new staff who needed their photos taken, mine needed to be updated, along with our winemaker and assistant winemaker and president/co-owner.  So, I hired my friend Carolyn, the assistant winemaker’s wife, to take the headshots in our barrel room.  When I went down for my photo shoot, well, she made me straddle a barrel.  Seriously.  I couldn’t stop laughing.  Once I was balanced, and stopped goofing around, she took a number of photos.  It was really cool to see Carolyn in her element, being creative, taking serious photos – although, with me as her subject, I’m not sure how serious that could be.  It was fun.  Her shots turned out to be quite lovely.  Here’s a sample:

Carolyn will specialize in children’s photography, but all of her shots are impressive.  As far as I’m concerned, with a camera, you either have “it” or you don’t – an eye for the shot, for the right lighting, a sense for the perfect shot.  Here’s more info on her work:  http://carolynwells-kramer.vox.com/

After work I looked up times to see the newly released film The Other Boleyn Girl.  I went over to Pacific Breeze for my Catholic Lenten non-meat dinner of seafood rice noodle soup.  Yum.  I brought along the book Unpredictable by Eileen Cook.  It’s a charming story, so far.  After dinner for one, I drove back home and got in touch with my friend Susan, who was at the Bridgeport Village cinema holding our tickets for the movie, which was about to sell out!  I met her and I have to say, we end up seeing the best movies together.  The last film we saw together was Atonement, and we sat still as statues during the ending credits while people stumbled over us to get out.  We were just mesmerized.  This movie didn’t pack quite the same punch as Atonement, but we remained in our seats well after the theater cleared.  It was really good.  Perhaps I’m just a sucker for period pieces, but both of these films were about tender and fragile relationships between sisters that go so woefully wrong.  Both Susan and I have a sister, and our sisters are so different from us.  Our relationships with our sisters are quite different, but the impact of both stories was pretty indelible.

After the movie we went over to Tutto Bene for gelato.  I had a small scoop of pistachio and a small scoop of ciocolatto.  Yum.  We chatted about the movie and complicated relationships.  I drove home feeling a little congested.  By the time I got in my pajamas I was getting a runny nose with some congestion.  Here we go again.  I didn’t feel stressed.  But there’s another strain of the cold going around, along with this crazy flu.  I haven’t heard about anyone around here with this particular flu – it was huge on the east coast.  In any case, I was feeling like a cold was coming on.  So, I took a Claritan before going to bed and administered my ever so helpful Breathe Right Nose Strip.  I could do a serious ad campaign for both products!

I read a portion of Eckhart Tolle’s latest book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.  This book, selected by Oprah for her book club, is actually the best selling book in her popular series.  It really compliments the Tibetan Buddhist books I have been reading, actually.  I read through the first chapter.  I am currently reading 5 books at the same time, so this one was on hold for awhile.  In any case, I took away an understanding, more or less, that it is no coincidence that I have been relating to Tibetan Buddhism to help me in my spiritual exploration.  According to Tolle, we are onto a new era, a new chapter in consciousness of the human experience.  He basically suggests humans have been operating in an insane, mad entrapment of Ego for the past millennia or so, which explains the cause for wars, mass murders (more people have been killed on this earth by the hands of humans than natural causes or disasters).  We are on to a new consciousness.  I hope he is right.  I am eager to read on.

So, as I am writing this, I’m listening to a special recording of Prayer of Saint Francis by Sarah McLachlan.  It’s so beautiful.  I am a huge fan of the writings of Saint Francis.  He’s the Catholic’s poet, in my opinion.  St. Cecelia is my patron saint, the saint of music and poetry, but, I think Saint Francis is another sacred being in my life.  I reference him so much in my novel.  He is a very important symbol in the story.  I think about how I might use this recording in the promotion of my book…

It is time to go to sleep.

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