Day 337: Dinner at Red Hills & Remembering Jaws

Tuesday, August 19

I woke up to a rainy morning.  The rain was good and definitely needed out here in the northern Willamette.  I stretched and went downstairs to get in ten solid sun salutation yoga poses and 100 crunches.  I ate a half cup of cantaloupe for breakfast nd felt refreshed.

On my way to work, I headed over to Target to get materials to create place cards for our wine dinner on Saturday.  I was going with a green leaf theme.  When I got to the office, I had a meeting regarding our wine dinner over lunch.  I brought Amy’s Kitchen green tamale with cheese, which is obviously gluten-free. 

In the afternoon, I met a former colleague, a wine broker from mid-Atlantic, at winery.  We tasted through our line up and then I gave him a quick tour of the cellar.  After, we drove the back roads to Dundee and had dinner at Red Hills Provincial Dining.  It has such a beautiful dining room, much like a California bungalow, with old dark wood siding and built in cabinets, etc.

I ordered the Montrachet small plate to start, a single roll of warm goat cheese and herbs wrapped in grape leaves, and replaced the crostini with sliced apple and celery, for a gluten-free option, which also came with whole roasted garlic and marinated olives.  It was delicious.  We selected a bottle of Scott Paul Pinot noir.  And then I ordered the duck confit for dinner with chicken sausage and mixed vegetables.  The food was truly delightful.  And because it was cold and rainy, it was comfort cuisine.  They had an amazing ice cream and sorbet selection – I had to have four tiny scoups because I wanted to try them all!  It was hard enough to narrow it down to four flabors.   I was able to decide on the fig sorbet, cherry chocolate praline, lavender ice cream and pomegranate coconut. I finished with a cup of decaf cappuccino.

When I got home, I watched Jaws on television – the only horror movie that really ever scared the crap out of me because, well, shark attacks can actually happen.  I remember swimming on the swim team as a kid and I was six years old and I stood stoic on the block ready for my race when my mother, who was timing in the next lane, called over, “think of Jaws.”  Child abuse!  By the time the started shot the cap gun, I was shaking the whole 25 meter length of the pool.  The pool was shaped like a “Z”.  I was swimming free style.  As I approached the end where the deep top of the “Z” was, to my left, I peered over and could have sworn Jaws was in there coming for me!  I never paddled and kicked so hard in my life.  Needless to say, I won the race.  Got a blue ribbon.

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Day 329: Working the Wine Market in Missoula

Monday, August 11

I got a good night’s sleep.  Still, I was kind of tired.  I got out of bed at around 9:00 a.m. and returned a phone call to the sales rep I would spend the morning with going to a few wine shop and restaurant accounts.  It was a gorgeous, sunny morning.

I cleaned up, got dressed and went to the lobby to meet the sales rep.  I ordered a latte in the lobby gift shop. 

We drove first to a cool market in the likes of Portland’s New Seasons and Seattle’s PCC Markets.  It was called Good Food Store.  I really enjoyed the visit there.  I ended up buying sweetgrass incense there, as my connection to it following my visit in the Wallowas – I felt a spiritual connection to Sweetgrass, felt it would be healing and soothing for me, especially for meditation. 

Next, we went to a restaurant where I learned the owner went to high school at Lake Braddock in Burke, Virginia, graduating with Kerry!  We had a nice meeting there.  All in all, it was a good morning of visiting good accounts.  We met the other sales rep for the distributor at Finn & Porter, the really nice restaurant in hotel where I’m staying, The Doubletree.  The restaurant edged the Clark Fork River.

We all had lunch.  I ordered the scallops over arugula.  It was pretty good and guarateed gluten-free.  After lunch, I spent the afternoon with the other sales rep.  We went to several good accounts, including the Missoula Country Club, with a gorgeous golf course!  Another highlight was The Red Bird restaurant.  After a busy day, we returned to the Doubletree and met with the wine buyer there, and were later joined by another wine buyer from a downtown restaurant.  All of the accounts today really loved the wines.  It was a lot of fun to chat about Oregon and our wines.

I had an hour or so to relax, check emails and chat with my mom.  I then refreshed my make-up and walked downtown to the Red Bird Restaurant.  I sat at the wine bar and ordered a glass of Cava and a light Thai inspired small rice noodle salad.  I waited for the sales rep to meet me at his account for dinner.  There was a great older gentleman playing the guitar and singing old cowboy songs.  I  was loving Missoula!

When the sales rep arrived, we ordered a bottle of sparkling water, beef satay and the lettuce wraps, guaranteed gluten free.  We then ordered a bottle of Problem Child Rhone blend.  I ordered the grilled lamb kebabs with a lavender mustard.  For dessert, I had the creme brulee and a cup of decaf cappucino.

After we ate, a funny character of a man, who was drunk, over-poured his Belgian Ale, with thick head foaming all over, and he started coming over to tell us really bad jokes.  He looked like a cross between French actor Gerard Depardieu and Thomas Hayden Church.  This guy wore a crazy shirt and just kept coming over.  More bad jokes.  Mostly about nuns, actually.  He was happily digging the music, singing along, yelling out “yeah!” or “that’s it”, answering the singer as if he were being personally addressed.  It was classic wild west.

I happily walked back to the hotel.  I packed up my stuff and braced myself while I called for the 5:15 a.m. wake up call.

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Day 327: Brunch at Rising Sun Bistro, Huckleberry Festival, The Grand Tasting & Mountain Top Dinner

Saturday, August 9

I had every intention to sign up for the Walk in the Trees tour – it looked really cool, like hiking through an Ewok village!  But I didn’t wake up until 9:30, which was too late.  I met Hilary and Mike in the lobby and we drove down the mountain to downtown Whitefish. 

We went into a coffee shop to order some much needed java and find out where we should go eat breakfast.  Three different locals offered three different options – we decided to go with the Rising Sun Bistro, a quaint French bistro at the bottom of the mountain.  Mike ordered crepes, I had a traditional western omelet with a side of potatoes and a cup of fresh fruit, Hilary had the granola with huckleberries.  We each had a mimosa.  The food was good.  It was nice to catch up wtih Mike and Hilary.

After, we returned to town to attend the Huckleberry Festival.  We walked around and looked at the arts and crafts.  I marvelled at this guy’s antler chandeliers.  They were pretty amazing.  We looked at all kinds of jewelry and then some beautiful photographs of Montana.  I’m still in search of a great inspirational landscape photo for my meditation room.  As we walked around, I decided Whitefish was a very cool old west town.

We stopped by a market on our way back up the Big Mountain for some fresh fruit.  I dropped Mike and Hilary off and returned to the Kandahar to change for the afternoon events.

I pulled on a linen top, a fun necklace, jeans, my gold flip flops and my straw cowboy hat.  I was loving the Montana casual.  Again, much like Oregon.

I drove back down to Base Camp, as I called the Base Lodge.  I ran up to set up my table for the Grand Tasting.  It was a three hour tasting event.  I poured two Pinot noirs, a Pinot gris and a dessert wine.  My table was busy throughout, which helped make the long three hours move more quickly.  It can feel like eternity standing on your feet for more than two hours pouring at these events. 

 

Once again, my table was right next to the witty winemaker from Santa Maria.  His humor made the event more fun.  At the very least, I was smiling a lot. 

Before the tasting ended, some raging dark clouds started moving in.  And then the rain came pouring down!  I packed up my things and headed indoors.  A few guys had to use brooms to tap the tents from underneath to clear the heavy pools of rainwater quickly collecting.

I drove back to the Stube to park my car, meet some colleagues for a drink while waiting to take the gondolas up for the Grand Dinner on top of the mountain.  I enjoyed chatting at the Stube with some of the California winemakers – new friends – and writer Steve Heimoff, who was a delightful, charming conversationalist.  We talked about writing – mostly narrative non-fiction.

I wasn’t feeling great.  I could tell I was swelling again – my stomach, my arms.  My stomach was grumbling.  I had been accidentally ingesting gluten and the Celiac symptoms were slowly taking a toll.  I tried to toughen it out.  I’m used to having to do this.

The gondola ride up the moutain was lovely.  Joining me were Steve Heimoff, my cute and very funny wine pourer-neighbor from the Santa Maria area, and another new friend from California.  The sun was shimmering over the treeline.  The view was mesmerizing.

Up top, we were assigned our table numbers.  Steve, Santa Maria guy and I were all at table five.  We got a glass of wine, I think it was the Firestone Sauvignon Blanc, and I talked with Santa Maria guy alongside a window with a lovely view.  It was nice.

Dinner was okay.  I knew my dining options would be limited.  I could have the scallop starter and a couple meat dishes, but I passed on a few courses.  It was fine.  A couple of people were honored throughout the banquet, there were some moving speeches and then the evening seemed to be over as quickly as it began.

The gondola ride back down was peaceful and dark.  Santa Maria guy and I joined a couple from the Santa Barbara area.  Midway down, the gondola stopped.  We dangled there for a few minutes.  It wasn’t scary.  The view of sparkling lights below was very beautiful.

A group intended on going to the Stube, but it was already closed.  Early nights here on Big Mountain!  Instead, we all walked to the Snug Bar at the Kandahar.  We ordered a few rounds of cocktails, sat by the stone fire, with a fire going, it had become chilly out, and we sat and listened to all kinds of crazy jokes.  When the evening was clearly coming to a close, everyone started to disperse.  Santa Maria guy had to get up at 4:00 a.m. to pack and catch a ride with another winemaker to get to the airport down in Kalispel.  An all-nighter was in his cards.  We decided to hang out.  I could sleep in, anyway.  It was nice to chat and laugh, mostly.  I liked his brand of humor – he made me smile. 

He left after 3:00 a.m., I went to sleep, strangely getting accustomed to these late nights.  I thought – I need to get my sleeping back on track soon.  I had been staying up, even during the work week, past 1:00 a.m.  Not good.  Between writing and trying to get so many things done, I am liable to wear myself out.  I promised myself, when I get back home I would return to a more sane bedtime/sleep schedule.

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Day 326: Whitefish White Wines, The Bierstuben & The Snug Bar

Friday, August 8

I got up at 9:00 a.m. and headed over to the gym.  There, I ran for thirty minutes.  It was gray and overcast out.  After, I went downstairs to the Cafe Kandahar for the buffet breakfast.  I ate some eggs, potatoes, yogurt and fresh fruit.

I grabbed my laptop and workbag and found a comfy spot by the stone fireplace in the lobby.  I sat down and got to work.

At around 2:00 I went upstairs to clean up and change.  I drove down to the Base Lodge, which I actually kept calling the Base Camp (as if it were Everest!).

 

 There I attended the Chardonnay panel discussion, mediated by Wine Enthusiast west coast editor, Steve Heimoff.  I sat in the front row.  The discussion was about oak and stainless steel Chards.  My friend, Mike, the winemaker at Chehalem, was on the panel.  It was an engaging session.

After, we all went upstairs for the Whitefish White Wines tasting.  I poured two white wines.  My table was next to one of the Chardonnay panelists from the Santa Maria region in Santa Barbara County who kept cracking me up.  The afternoon sky opened up, the sun was radiant and it ended up being a gorgeous evening.  Kind of reminded me of Oregon!

I went to the Bierstuben pub in the middle of the resort village up on Big Mountain.  I had a Makers Manhattan and then ordered a burger without the bun.  We loved the silver tin platters the food came out on – very campy. 

I was disappointed to miss the opening ceremonies for the Olympics – it was on the flat screen in the bar at the Stuben, but it was better to be outside with friends and colleagues.  I would be sure to watch the games as soon as I could.  I love the summer Olympics – especially the swimming.

A weird thing happened – I heard some guy sining the song “Superfreak” by The King of Funk, Rick James, and just in the nick of time!  It was starting to get late, people were turning in, and it inspired a few souls to move on to another tiny bar called The Snug.  I was too tired to continue, so I headed back to my hotel.

I walked back down to the Kandahar.  A few Whitefish wine folks were hanging out in the cute, little Snug bar in the lobby.  I didn’t realize that the name of that bar was the Snug bar, as a small riot of winemakers were talking about it.  The Snug bar reminded me of the Detention Hall bar at the McMenamins properties in Oregon.  I had one glass of Pinot then retired to my room for some much needed sleep.

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Day 324: A Bee-stinged Lip, Press Checks & Cocktails Belating My Packing

Wednesday, August 6

It has been an overwhelming work week.  I have been trying to juggle many projects with deadlines while jamming things into a shortened business week, as I leave tomorrow evening for Montana – for a business trip.  I go through phases of excitement – like it’s on to a new adventure.  And then I return to my homebody mood of wanting to just stay put.  I am often on the fence when it comes to business travel – sometimes you just have to leap over to the ‘it’s a new adventure’ side and know you’ll return back to the ‘homebody’ side soon enough.

I got up this morning and went to the gym.  I ran for 25 minutes and then jumped into an invigorating shower.  I felt great.  I thought - might be a good idea to try to get up and get my workouts in during the morning.  It’s an energy booster that certainly beats caffeine.

I drove to Beaverton to do a label press check, and then stopped by a Starbucks because I forgot my gluten-free blueberry muffin in the microwave this morning.  I was starving.  I got a mango smoothie, a cup of mixed fruit and a tall cinnamon dolce latte with soy milk and a touch of whipped cream.  And then I was on my way.

It was already getting really hot out.  It would be in the high 90′s again, today. 

I had just a few hours to power work through a pile of projects.  I was stressed.  I put together a great new press kit.  I made myself a lunch two gluten-free tamales wrapped in corn husks and then a mixed greens salad with sweet red and orange peppers, an heirloom green tomato, pumpkin seeds and a soy based creamy dill dressing.

I had to leave in the afternoon to return for a second round of label press checks.  And a bee got in my car and when I swat at it, it stung me on the line of my upper lip.  While in Beaverton, I stopped by a Kinko’s-Fed Ex to send off the press kit I worked on.  I had to wait for almost two hours for the press checks.  It was pretty annoying, as I was to meet Claudia and Jessica for dinner at Sinju at Bridgeport Village.  I was starting to get stressed.  Finally, someone came out at 6:05 to show me a press check.  I ran out and drove on my way toward Bridgeport Village.  I even ran my first red light!

I got a grip and started to breathe.  Not worth getting into another accident!  It was hard to breathe meditatively when it was so damn hot out.  I was beginning to feel a little nauseous. 

I parked and met the girls thirty minutes late.  My lip was a little swollen on one side.  The girls teased if I got stung on the other side I’d look just like Angelina Jolie.

I went to the restroom to wash my hands then returned more refreshed, relaxed.  I was already breathing better.  I ordered a Maker’s Manhattan with a swirl of orange peel and a glass of water.  We ate some sushi.  And then I ordered a plate of soy-sauce free stir fried vegetables and seafood sprinkled with pepper.  It was really good.  And my swollen lip was shrinking!  Claudia was very generous to pick up the tab.

Next, we walked about 10 yards to Splitz wine bar.  Our other friend, Leigh, met us.  I had a glass of the Barbera D’Alba cooled down to about 58 degrees.  It was fun to chit chat.  I knew I had to pack, and yet, I still lingered.

I got home and ate the blueberry muffin that I had left in the microwave this morning.  I made a cup of Yogi Bedtime tea with some local honey.  The very last episode of Friends was on – and, of course, it made me cry.  God, now that was an era.My cats dutifully curled up next to me as I put off packing.  I had an idea of what I needed to pack.  It could wait until the morning.

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Day 321: A Cool Baby Shower, Cookbooks at Powell’s & My Gluten-Free Dinner Party

Sunday, August 3

This morning I got up and prepared a lovely Capresi salad with fresh, red Roma tomatoes, fresh basil from our garden at work, and wet, organic mozzarella drizzled with extra virgin olive oil and high quality balsamic vinegar.  I wrapped up the small baby gifts I got that went into one adorable gift bag.

Then, I showered and got dressed.  I drove out to the SE to friend Vonda’s house for our friend Karen’s baby shower.  You never know how baby showers are going to be.  I hoped that it wouldn’t be smug with lame baby games.  This was actually one of the best parties I had been to in a long time.

First, it was a brunch.  Vonda’s home is completely gorgeous!  I had a cup of Yogi lemon-ginger tea and sat next to Karen to get caught up.  She was a beautiful pregnant woman.  The other guests arrived and we all talked girl stuff.  Not just baby stuff, which we did chat about – and it was fun, engaging conversation, not the smug mommy-baby conversations some types of women befall to.  No, this was different!

We played a couple of games, but they weren’t lame.  We did a name game which was actually functioned to help Karen come up with a baby girl’s name.  We came up with some great ideas that she was actually excited about.  Then, we went around the brunch table, drinking bellini’s and mimosas, talking about the most mischievous thing we did as a child.  It was pretty hilarious, actually.  I told the story of how my older sister and I colored the bricks around the fireplace at our house in Pennsylvania. 

For brunch we had an amazing gluten-free egg fritata topped with fresh basil, my caprese salad, delicious summer baby potatoes (white and purple) in olive oil with herbs, which was fantastic, and then fresh strawberries and cherries.  It was really yummy. 

Karen opened presents, which was really great.  She got all kinds of good stuff.  I gave her a bunch of Burt’s Baby Bee products – like diaper cream, talc, buttermilk bath powder, baby lotion and a lullaby CD.  I really had a lovely time! 

I was going to go up to Yoga Union following the shower, but didn’t feel up to it.  Instead, I went to Powell’s and picked up two great cook books.  For forever and a day I had wanted this great soup book my friend Lota has.  I haven’t ever been able to find it.  But, today, I found an awesome soup cook book called The International Soup Book by Susan R. Friedland, editor.

There are plenty of recipes in this book that are gluten-free; and those that aren’t I can explore different gluten-free flour options.

Then, I got the book the Farm to Table cookbook: The Art of Eating Locally by north westerner Ivy Manning.   It’s a beautiful book with a chock full of recipes and hints, like meet the producer or an heirloom tomato primer, all organized by season.  Love it.

While at Powell’s, I ran into a kind of new friend, poet/artist/musician Jonathan, who I had met a few months ago at the Tea Zone.  Jonathan, because of our conversation, was diagnosed gluten intolerant.  I gave him some advice about eating a mindful, balanced diet.  We chatted for a bit and agreed to meet up soon at the Tea Zone to catch up.  I really like his spirit and feel grateful to have a new male friend!

I met Kerry at the Park Blocks.  It was our intention to play bocce.  But the courts were totally filled up and so we just sat on a bench and people watched.

I drove home to clean up and get ready for my dinner guests, the Dashmores.  I vacuumed, emptied the dishwasher, cleaned the downstairs bathroom, then began setting the table.  I put beautiful orange and purple tulips in a vase and placed it on the table with my crystal grape cluster table decorations.  I chilled the wine, pulled out and polished glasses and welcomed them after six.  We sat in the living room and noshed on the gluten free baguette I pulled fresh out of the oven, served with the triple cream Camembert, the Irish hard cheese and the herb goat cheese, sprinkled with dried berries on the cutting boards.  We sipped on the Italian Soave, a light, crisp white wine with good acidity. 

 

 

Next, we sat around the table and I served a mixed greens salad with the heirloom grape tomatoes which added jeweled colors of yellow, green, purple, red and orange, topped with pumpkin seeds and a creamy dill dressing.  I pulled out the focaccia pizzas that I had brushed olive oil all over with my basting brush, then sprinkled some sea salt and added on wet buffalo mozzarella.  When I pulled the pizzas out of the oven I topped with fresh basil from our garden at work. 

 

 

 

I semi-chilled the Barbera D’Alba, as Italian reds need to be served slightly cool.  It was all delicious.  I was very pleased with this gluten-free option!  The pizza was the best I’ve had since having been diagnosed with Celiac disease.

Then, Capri jumped up at the chair at the other head of the table because she clearly needed to feel like one of us.

Next, we ate Tobleron and dark chocolate with Argyle Blanc de Blanc bubbly.  We laughed and talked about high school, which prompted me to pull out my yearbook.  It was a fun evening.  Reminded me that I want to entertain more often.  I love to cook for others, and now armed with my new fabulous cookbooks, I was going to plan more intimate dinners in at my place.  My dining room looked absolutely lovely.  I was very happy, indeed.

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Day 305: Mexican for Lunch, Iced Lattes in the Afternoon & Perfection at Park Kitchen

Friday, July 18

I had a bunch of meetings today, but they were marketing focused.  I have a lot on my plate, but it’s all good stuff.  I spent much of the day planning for the pre-IPNC dinner.  I am excited about it.  I love planning dinners and doing the décor, putting the flowers together, just being creative and trying to create a memorable experience.

I had to pick up lunch today, because I forgot to get turkey breast lunchmeat.  So, I went to Panderia in Newberg for three corn tortilla tacos with carne asado and a side of rice and beans.  It was amazing.  I just love authentic, fresh Mexican food.  And I’m 99% sure it’s gluten-free.

In the afternoon my co-worker and I walked over to Coffee Cottage for iced lattes.  I had a raspberry white chocolate latte, more dessert than an afternoon pick-me-up.  Oh well.  Nothing like a sugar rush.

I left work later than I hoped and headed for downtown Portland.  I was meeting Kerry, Shirley and Susan at Park Kitchen in the Park Blocks to celebrate Kerry’s 35^th birthday.  We started with a round of delicious cocktails served up by our friend, and bartender extraordinaire, Jamie.  I had an herbaceous cocktail with a floating pear peel.  Kerry brought pink bubbly, which we had once we got a table outside.  Our friend Shelby met us at the table.

I ate a lovely cold cucumber soup with almond, shrimp and Thai spice flavor.    I then had lamb tartare with mint and chick pea hummus.  I was still hungry. Shirley and I selected a bottle of 2002 St. Joseph.  I ordered the roasted duck and split it with Shelby.

 

After dinner, we walked over to Ten-01 and found our friend, and sommelier extraordinaire, Erica Landon, outside sipping on some Gevrey Chambertin and Chambolle Musigny with her boyfriend and friends.  We grabbed the café table next to them and ordered a bottle of Ennio Morricone Moscato d’Asti and dessert.  I split the crème brule.  It was the perfect end to a perfectly lovely evening.

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Day 278: Celiac Disease in Its Manifestations

Friday, June 20

I started the day at work with an Under $20 Pinot noir staff tasting.  We tasted through 3 flights of Pinots from Oregon in that price point.  We do staff tastings every month or so as a group, which is a great way to keep the palate strong, keep the thumb on the pulse of certain wine categories, etc.   But, it was kind of early to evaluate wine at 9:00 a.m., at least for me.  I am already not a morning person.  But, it’s not usual that we’d meet so early to taste through wine flights – it was a reschedule.

Anyway.  After work I joined two co-workers at Mazatlan Mexican restaurant in Tigard to meet a former co-worker.  It was nice to catch up and to hang out with this group. 

I got home and did some strength training, to include 250 crunches, leg lifts,  push ups and other hand weight and ankle weight exercises.  I’ve been feeling like I haven’t been getting intense workouts.  I go in phases.

Anyway.  I haven’t been feeling great.  I have been bloated again.  My legs and arms feel swollen.  My stomach has been grumbly, not terribly achey, but there’s been discomfort.  My energy has been low again.  I’m worried that I haven’t been cautious enough with my gluten-free diet.  It’s a constant issue for me. 

My friend Carolyn met me at the office, randomly, today and we ran over to Golden Leaf Thai for lunch.  We stopped by a couple of lunch options, but had to leave because there weren’t gluten-free options.  I felt like such a pain, and it was one of those classic living gluten-free moments when I  was the ‘difficult’ luncher.  We agreed on Thai, and I ordered a shrimp salad, which was totally safe. 

But, when I went to Mazatlan this evening with my co-workers, I took a gamble.  I ordered shrimp again with onions, mushrooms, garlic and a sauce that was questionable.  It very well could have had gluten.  But my worry wasn’t just about dinner tonight.  I have had a few questionable bites throughout the week.  The dead give-away is my swollen stomach.  It’s so bizarre.  That and my exhaustion.  Like today, at 4:00 p.m. I felt like I had hit a wall.  I wanted to put my head down and take a nap.

When I got home this evening, I flipped through Shauna James Ahern’s book Gluten-Free Girl: How I Found The Food That Loves Me Back…& How You Can Too.  I re-read the part when she was finally diagnosed with Celiac.  And I’m quoting an informative paragraph without permission:

“Celiac disease is still a bit of a mystery.  Why do some people develop it as infants, upon their first feeding of wheat, and others have a sudden, acute onset as adults?  Scientists are not entirely sure.  Those of us who have celiac disease are genetically disposed to it, but we are not born with active celiac disease.  Some scientists are now theorizing that it may be a viral infection of the gastro-intestinal system that causes celiac disease to awaken in the body. … It is clear that a trauma to the body of some sort - injury, miscarriage, or even stress – can trigger the body into full-blown celiac disease.”

It makes me think about my own diagnosis, when I learned about having Celiac and how I cut out gluten and dairy for two months until my gut healed again.  I had lesions on my small intestine from my immune system attacking all the pre-gluten-free contamination.  AFter cutting both gluten and dairy out of my diet, well, that’s the best I had felt in years!

I eventually re-introduced dairy back into my diet and I’m not convinced it’s been a good decision.  I love cheese, ice cream, yogurt – dairy.  But I’m not sure my gut does.

I am pretty sure I have had smaller episodes from my pre-disposition for Celiac as a youth, teen and even during college.  I used to get sore throats a lot, strep, ear aches, bronchitis.  I always felt really sick after drinking one beer or drinks with vodka, gin, etc.  I had heart palpitations in college, mostly from stress and anxiety.  I didn’t know what was going on.

It wasn’t until I moved to Oregon, though, that my symptoms came on full force and I started swelling up.  In fact, the move was so stressful that I felt intense anxiety while I was packing up my things.  While I was excited for my move and new life, I was terrified, anxious, and stressed out of my mind.  I had never been so far from my family.  I went on a business trip to California right after I moved out here and I was so swollen that I didn’t feel right putting on my bikini when I went to the pool.  I have never had an issue with my figure.  I have always been athletic and toned.  I had self esteem about my body image.  But, something was very wrong.  I wasn’t fat, but I was extremely bloated and swollen.  I was totally self conscious of it.  It made me insecure and intensified my depression.

Also, a year later, when my ex-boyfriend and I broke up following the second chapter in our relationship, I was devastated.  My symptoms went absolutely crazy.  I would say that since I moved to Dundee, Oregon back in October 2004 I was dealing with regular bouts of IBS, headaches, anxiety, unexplained bouts of crying, depression – beyond the usual heartbreak.  I felt pretty bad.  And that’s when my congestion really started coming on.  I thought it was allergies, but twice I tested negative for allergic reaction.  My immune system has been out of wack for years now because of an autoimmune disease, beacuse of Celiac.

Every day I learn more about my disease and how it has affected me before and after diagnosis.  I am constantly learning about how Celiac challenged my well being.  And I am not 100% better yet.  I am still trying to manage this diet without getting depressed.  It’s an isolated world, living with Celiac.  I constantly feel awkward when I eat out with friends and often make mistakes with my diet because I get tired of dealing with it.  Which is bad!

Since I started swelling again, I’ve decided I need to try harder with my diet.  I’m tired of not feeling great, and I have no energy.  And I have to accept that missing out on certain foods I love isn’t as bad as feeling my myriad of symptoms that range from uncomfortable to unbearable.  If that’s not reason enough to get more disciplined, I don’t know what is!

 

 

 

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Day 274: Afternoon at the Zoo, Pigtails on the Driving Range & A Writer’s Woes

Monday, June 16

The weather has been amazing with blue, sunny skies and warm temps.  I was in a great mood.  I went to work for a few hours in the morning, to get through some imminent deadlines.  Then I enjoyed lunch with a few of my co-workers before finishing up my day in the office before heading out to the zoo to help my co-worker pour our wines for our distributor’s northwest wines tasting for the local trade.  There was a pretty good turnout and I saw several colleagues – it was nice to catch up with familiar faces in the Portland food and wine world.  It would have been even more nice if I could have seen some of the animals at the zoo.  There were a bunch of wild rugrats running all over the place on my way out, all on their final leg, soon to tucker out, and I decided that was animal enough for me.

After, I scooted on home to change, put my hair in pigtails, and get to the Tualatin Island Greens golf center.  I bought a new glove and a medium bucket of balls.  I went through my drills, confident in my consistency.  Only my second time out since September, I was pleased with the level of improvement in my swing since my great lessons last summer and fall.  I challenged myself to reach a pin about 85-90 yards ahead.  All five of my shots ended up within 2-5 yards of the pin.  I don’t have a driver, but I use my 3 wood for my long tee shots.   I consistently hit five balls straight down the fareway for about 275 yards  (where each ball eventually rolled and ended).  I was pretty psyched – and all because I was consistent.  My challenge on the course has often been figuring out the right club and knowing how long and consistent I’d need to hit that club.  I finally felt like I’m getting a better feel for each club and for my ability to successfully hit each club.  It’s a pretty cool discovery.

I then drove to Safeway in King City to pick up some groceries.  I was in the mood for a taco salad – for it, I bought fresh tomatoes from Canada (no salmonella scare there – these maters had been cleared); butterleaf lettuce with radicchio; pitted black olives; a colorful medley of organic peppers; organic tortilla chips and a can of organic black beans.  I bought a nice cilantro and garlic chipotle salsa that I knew would make for a nice ‘dressing’.  I already had a Mexican blend of cheeses at home.

I also bought local organic raspberries that looked amazing; white nectarines; gluten-free waffles; lite orange juice; organic pickles to take with me to work for lunch; and a couple of Amy’s frozen gluten-free bowls.  I love grocery shopping, so I get a sense of great accomplishment when I write up my shopping lists and cross them off as I pick out the items on the list.  I get a recycled sense of accomplishment when I type it out, too.  I know, I really need to find a new hobby.

I unloaded the groceries and immediately made my taco salad.  It was more than satisfying.  It was everything I needed to end my perfectly happy day.  Good flavors, sustenance, just the right portion, and just the right balance of crunchy and soft and supple.  The butterleaf was the perfect lettuce to use.  I had a small glass of orange juice to go with it.

An hour or so after dinner I did about 150 crunches.  I finished with a cup of Yogi Chamomile tea and relaxed. 

I didn’t get any writing done – I wanted to work on my book edits and some of the northwest themed poetry I’ve been writing.  I had been thinking a lot about food for some of my poems, with nettles and fiddlehead ferns topping my list of poetic vegetation.  But writing, more than anything else in my life, can’t be forced.  I need to figure out how to better balance my day to fit in my job, exercise, golf, cooking and yes, when able, writing.  It’s a challenge to dedicate the time I need for my writing.  I try not to let this get me down and, instead, aim to be proactive with the time I do get.  It’s always all about striking a balance.  Which is normally exhausting just thinking about it.  I fantasize about having more time, all of the time.  And cash.  I’m just sayin.

 

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Day 272: The Driving Range, The Lake House & The Notebook

Saturday, June 14

I kept the promise of an improved night’s sleep and managed to clock in just over eight hours, about an hour and a half more than what I had been getting during the work week.  When I woke up, the sun was already strong and penetrating through my silk drapes.  I stretched and felt great – no congestion, just clear and happy.

I went downstairs and made myself two breakfast tacos.  I heated two corn tortillas over the burner and then divided one scrambled organic, free range egg between the two.  I added a low fat Mexican blend of cheeses and topped with a roasted garlic and cilantro salsa.  It made for a pretty good impromptu breakfast taco.

After, I cleaned the kitchen - not just the pans and dishes, but I cleared the counters and I scrubbed them down with Mrs. Meyer’s eco-friendly kitchen cleaner.  I don’t know.  I like cleaning.  It’s a kind of therapy, the motions, the progress.

And then I began to plan out my weekend.  Whether I would follow it through or not, it’s a little exercise I like to do, like making a shopping list or any other to do list that can rule my life.  I am a list maker.  I planned for the driving range and going over to the Oswego Boat House later.  And then, for Sunday, I listed out going to church, perhaps going to a yoga class and then going to the Writers Dojo.

I changed into a pair of cargo Bermuda-style shorts and an Adidas golf shirt.  I pulled out my Nike golf shoes from my storage closet out on the deck, and then with a huge smile on my face, I headed to my car with my clubs over my shoulder.  I stopped by Starbucks and ordered a green tea latte with nonfat milk and a small botte of Naked Mighty Mango antioxidant juice smoothie.  I drove to the Tualatin Island Greens Golf Center on SW Cipole Road. 

I parked, put on my golf shoes and grabbed my bag and headed for the golf shop to buy a large bucket of balls for the driving range.  When I made my way out to the mats, I was surprised to find a new friend of mine out there.  I picked up my stuff and got settled in the spot next to his.  It was nice to see a familiar face.

Anyway, I opened up my golf notebook and reviewed the drills I had pencilled in there last August and September when I took lessons at Trilogy Golf Course up in Redmond, WA.  I adored my instructor, a great guy from Oklahoma.  Anyway, he turned around my game.  He fixed my grip, my swing and gave me all kinds of great drills customized for my game, to challenge me and to keep my swing in good shape.

I did the drills in my notebook and was pleased, over all, with my round at the range.  This was my first time out since last September.  I think I acquiesced from going to the driving range or golf course because I was afraid I’d mess up and wouldn’t be able to get my swing together, since it had been so long since my lessons up at Trilogy.  Luckily, that wasn’t the case.

After my practice round, I went home, freshened up a little and drove over to the Oswego Lake House.  It was so gorgeous out – a perfect blue sky, warm sun and so comfortable out I could have napped at my table.  I brought my latest issue of Golf for Women magazine, my novel and my writing notebook.  While I sat at my table on the deck, right along the edge of the lake, it occurred to me I should write an article for Golf for Women.  I ordered a top shelf margarita on the rocks with salt, which was perfectly refreshing.  I felt the sun on me, giving me a slight tan.

I ordered a medium-rare burger with no bun and since I couldn’t eat the side of fries, they substituted a side salad.  It was okay, but I was still hungry.  I had only consumed the two small breakfast tacos and the Starbucks beverages.  I needed my sustenance. 

While I was noshing on the burger, I flipped through Golf for Women.  There was a story about a Spanish actress and model named Ines Sastre, who is my age (34).  She’s unmarried, gorgeous and looks happy, healthy and well.  She’s an avid golfer and has played in a number of pro-am and celebrity tournaments.  She’s even won a few.  It’s truly a great thing to see women my age not necessarily married or with kids or living status quo lives.  It’s inspiring to see women like Ines living extraordinary, exciting lives – playing golf really well and just doing her own thing.  I wouldn’t suggest that women my age who are married or mothers can’t have extraordinary lives -  I just don’t relate to them in the same way. 

Reading about this interesting celeb-golfer made me want to work on my game and possibly compete.  I really need to play more often and I probably should have joined that women’s league I was introduced to a few month’s ago.  Oh, well.  I don’t think I was really ready to commit to that kind of play just yet.  That doesn’t mean I cannot play toward a handicap.  We’ll see.

I was still hungry and ordered a fully loaded baked potato and a small glass of Sonoma-Cutrer Chardonnay.  And finished up with a ramekin of creme brulee topped with a few blueberries and raspberries and a coconut cream drizzled over the fruit.  It was pretty good.

By eight o’clock I had finished editing a chapter of my book and I was ready to go home.  I couldn’t get over how beautiful the evening was and how lovey the lake evolved as evening was coming to a close.  I finished my water, payed the bill and left before the sun went down.

I segued over to Whole Foods at Bridgeport to pick up some groceries and then wandered over to the Borders.  I picked up an anthology of William Stafford’s poetry.

When I got home, the movie The Notebook was on.  The last time I saw it, which was also the first time, I was visiting my sister in Chattanooga.  I was there for work, doing a three-city stint to include Atlanta and Birmingham.  Anyway, I was very sad and, well, when my sister and I watched that movie on DVD, I couldn’t remember when I had cried like that - except for when my most recent ex had broken up with me.  It’s not just the effect of a typical, sappy chick flick that makes most women (and supposedly even men!) cry.  For me, it was different. 

It was this painful pang of living a life of not ever having anyone love me the way the character Noah loved his Ally.  I do know there are real love stories like Noah and Ally’s.  It does happen – few and far between.  But, as cynical as I have become, as cynical as some of my blog posts have at times been,  I know this to be true.  And watching this film, watching this love story unfold, my heart ached and broke all over again.  I have loved almost to that degree just twice in my life.  But, I don’t think I have ever been loved back like that.  That devastates and worries me.  And I was devastated by the same worry when I watched the movie for the first time with my sister.  I lost it.  And she comforted me.  It might sound trite – but she knew exactly what I was feeling.

And there, I had realized my greatest lament and fear about love.  I don’t want to end up with someone who just loves me fine.  I want to find someone who loves me the way Noah loved Ally – so fully, so painfully that he couldn’t bear to ever lose her – ever.  Not in their youth, not after their second reunion, and not in their elderly decline.  But, I also want to feel that way about the love of my life, too.  It’s not easy to find that, where two people feel that intensely and deeply for another.  Few couples really shared that level of undying and unconditional love.  Ally’s mother was a perfect example of a person who went the safe route, giving up her own opportunity for that kind of love. 

And perhaps I had already lost my chance.  I know I have certainly loved and ached for my ex more so than I have ever for another.  I never fully understood my connection to him, only that I was deeply wounded twice by our two break-ups (once back in 2000, and then again in 2005).  And so, when I turned the television on this evening and this film was on, I felt that sadness that hasn’t quite left.  I imagined him, my ex.  He has a remarkable likeness to Ryan Gosling, the actor who portrayed the young Noah.  My heart broke all over again.  Only this time my sister wasn’t here to comfort me. 

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