Tuesday, September 9
In moments of self doubt, sometimes the unthinkable can happen. Sometimes miracles can happen. Okay, maybe I’m going a little bit overboard. But, I have been a little bluesy over the past few days. Got my celiac rash bach. So, I knew the negative, despressed feelings were my symptoms returning. After I wrote yesterday’s entry, feeling so down and exhausted, like I’ve been running like hell on my treadmill but going nowhere, I realized I was being entirely too hard on myself. I don’t want to patronize myself and suggest, sure - all my dreams will come true. I need to re-evaluate my dreams and why I have them. This will help me figure out how I can reach them. I caught a flickering light of reason at the end of that entry, with my consideration of the Shakespeare quote – strong reasons make strong answers.
So, by the time I did my skincare regimen, sprayed my room with a soothing sandalwood and cinnamon aromatherapy, and pulled back the sheets, I felt relaxed in the sanctuary of my room. I have made it a temple for sleep. And at the end of every day, I am able to lay down, have two sweet kitties snuggle up next to me and fall with ease into deep, restorative sleep.
When I woke up an essay came to me. I took out one of my notebooks and wrote feverishly. In twenty minutes I had the skeleton of some really good content. When I closed the notebook and finished getting ready for work, I took a mental note of where to submit this. Top of my list are River Teeth journal and Seattle Concious Choice magazine. My essay was about what it feels like in moments of succumbing to anxiety and depression, as experienced through malabsorption of nutrients from celiac disease. I mustered some humor in the midst of such a heavy subject. In the end, I thought and felt that it was well written.
During my lunch break, I wrote down some lines about the ineffectiveness of the National Organization for Women (N.O.W.), how it has become nothing more than an advocate for one issue (abortion, as if I really need to state that) and how disturbing it has been to watch the organization sit back and do nothing while sexism had smacked both Hilary Clinton and Sarah Palin in the currrent election. I then highlighted the more current and relevant organization that better supports women, irrespective of party or issue. It’s an organization that promises to protect all women running for elected office. It protects in a way that N.O.W. has terribly and erroneously neglected. That new organization is called WomenCount.
I was energized with good essays to finish and submit for publication. And I need to give credit where credit is due – this blog. It has forced me to write daily, to think and write in essay form. It has helped me to hone my skill of writing narrative nonfiction.
What a difference a day makes.
And this evening, I went for my first real run outside in years. I broke free from the treadmill. And, it’s not that the treadmill is a bad thing, per se. During inclement weather, a gym and treadmill is better than nothing at all. But, this evening, I ran free. I ran through my neighborhood, with gorgeous houses lining the streets and tall trees to admire. I ran up-hill, around bends, down-hill. And I only ran for twenty minutes, but I was satisfied. It’s a different kind of energy running outside than on a treadmill. It felt good. And I made a goal to be ready to run the Jingle Bell 5K Run this winter. As long as I can help it, I’m no longer going nowhere.