I am a writer. And yet for quite some time I found myself staring at the blank pages of my notebooks with my favorite Sharpie Ultra Fine pen in hand, while sipping on a hot, nourishing cup of tea, and I couldn’t get my writer’s mojo on. My mind had been a playground of ADD-like distraction – so many topics to cover. I could articulate, aloud, the lines I meant to write about interesting subjects that are timely and relavent today: the theme of ‘change’ in our national politics, sustainability, gluten intolerance. But, when it came to committing those thoughts, ideas and lines to the page, the pen just wouldn’t budge. I am a writer! Why was this happening? I had just finished writing my first novel, surely I could kick out one good short story or narrative non-fiction article!
I found solace in authoring this blog. Everyone is a blogger now, right? Well, that’s okay. It’s making the huge world seem like a smaller more familiar place. Besides, I am humbled by the many visitors who have come to my blog, commented and returned. I feel deep gratitude for you all!
When I first started this journey, my intended subject was about finding love in all of its manifestations. I suppose you could say it’s a love story with myself, with my friends, and with my town – Portland. I also wrote about many topics that fell under the theme of finding love. Each entry was woven into a tapestry of entries that told a larger story, that all related to the big picture of my life – that I’m actually in a healthy, happy relationship with myself. That said, I was already receiving lots of good love.
This blog has been a kind of therapy for me. What often seemed like nonsensical, non-important recordings of “things I did today”, the blog soon morphed into something else going on rather than just the mundane. I found a thread of consciousness and enlightenment arising in the small chores and actions of my days; in my work; in my personal relationships; in my attempts to master meditation (especially in my failures!); in my love affair with good food and wine; and in my journey of discovering a gluten-free lifestyle after having been diagnosed with Celiac disease a year ago; and, ultimately, in seeking an agent and getting my book, The Vale of Enna, published.
The more I dove into these entries, the more evident it became to me that my condition with Celiac disease was not only affecting my intestinal and physical health, but it was wrecking havoc on my mental health. It has been a real challenge to deal with my many symptoms and to come to peace, happiness, balance, compassion and enlightenment in my overarching goal of seeking and receiving love in all of its manifestations.
Also, there were so many pieces of what I care for that have been tapped into these entries. And while some of my passions may have come across as simple journalistic reviews, there has been a continuum of discovery. I had found myself evolving by the point I started seeking enlightenment and compassion, about mid-way through this blog, and I have been deepening my spiritual connection with all living things, with God, mostly, while getting better acquainted with my soul.
As I read back into the archives, I continued to smile. There have been some really funny moments in my life that I’ve captured; as well as some very emotional moments that have been, at times, really raw, making me feel unbelievably exposed. But by simply writing each day, by paying attention, I have been seeing the fullness of my mundane. This blog, in many respects, has been one of the boldest, bravest things I have ever done. And I’m proud of that.
So, what happens next? I’m almost through with my 365-day commitment to this blog! It hasn’t been easy, but, I have been diligent about maintaining the 365 day promise. It has been, in many ways, an experiment. I am in the mix of it, so it’s hard to forecast what I’m going to learn or what’s going to happen next.
Will there be a happy ending to the 365 Days Until Love blog? The larger question begged to be asked – will I find love in all of its manifestations? If I knew, I could have skipped all this entry writing and my difficult commitment to this quest. Now that would be an irony! But, that’s not how this blog works. And, that wouldn’t be much fun, anyway.
My hope for this blog is that it continues to be as meaningful and engaging for my dedicated, kind readers as it has been for me to discover so many new truths about loving along the way.