Thursday, July 31
“I am brave; I am bold; I can hold my own spirit.” – Yogi Bhajan (from Yogi Tea)
Today I saw a segment on the news about a Sex & The City type of documentary where thirty-something single women are redefining love – that is, dating and marriage. There are more and more women who are rejecting tradition and choosing independent lives. Many are not necessarily ruling out relationships, but rather, are more interested in having a special someone without being forced into an institution that they don’t believe is sustainable. It looks really interesting to me. It made me think of the quote above.
I am not against marriage. It’s just, at this point in my life I don’t know if it’s necessary for me. I don’t get lonely living alone. I’m so used to it, that it’s a quiet, meditative comfort. I actually used to get scared when I first lived alone. Part of me worried that some bad man would break in while I was sleeping at attack me. It was pretty irrational. But, part of me worried that I’d get too comfortable on my own. I don’t live in fear anymore. And I sleep really soundly, actually.
I used to have the same fantasy as every other single, heterosexual woman, the very one that was drilled into our pretty little pigtailed heads at a very tender age – that some handsome prince of a man would show up on his fiery steed and take me away, off into the sunset, where a shimmering castle awaited us, along with a closet full of designer ball gowns, Manolo glass slippers, and Harry Winston tiaras.
Some women chase that dream with a fervor that’s borderline clinical. Some women learn a different story, or create a new story.
Some, like me, retell this story in this kind of fashion: smart, strong woman goes off to college, graduates, spends time in Europe, meets and falls in love with very smart, Harvard graduate, but then they break up, so she eventually moves on, then begins writing a novel, quits her corporate job to manage a wine shop, follows her passions, follows her passions, follows her passions and moves to the west coast to work for a winery, reconnects with her old love but, sadly the relationship comes to an abrupt end, she mourns but eventually gets back up and finishes her book, then, along with meditation and yoga, builds a stronger, happier, even more secure self, moves into a townhouse, by herself, decorates it just as she likes, travels, and continues to follow her passions – sometimes she’ll meet a really nice guy and date, and it will likely not turn into a happily ever after, and that’s just fine – because she has lots of friends and maybe, if it’s meant to be, she’ll find someone to share all of that good stuff with, but if not, that’s okay, too, because she can always adopt a child and write another book.
It’s wonderful to be able to write your own rules to this game of life. You don’t have to color within the lines. You don’t have to roll the dice or spin a wheel and go in the direction that you are told. You can go freestyle. And still get the prize at the end of the game.
Yeah, I am brave. I am bold. And I can hold my own spirit.