Day 318: Hold Your Own Spirit

Thursday, July 31

 

“I am brave; I am bold; I can hold my own spirit.” – Yogi Bhajan (from Yogi Tea)

Today I saw a segment on the news about a Sex & The City type of documentary where thirty-something single women are redefining love – that is, dating and marriage.  There are more and more women who are rejecting tradition and choosing independent lives.  Many are not necessarily ruling out relationships, but rather, are more interested in having a special someone without being forced into an institution that they don’t believe is sustainable.  It looks really interesting to me.  It made me think of the quote above.

 

I am not against marriage.  It’s just, at this point in my life I don’t know if it’s necessary for me.  I don’t get lonely living alone.  I’m so used to it, that it’s a quiet, meditative comfort.  I actually used to get scared when I first lived alone.  Part of me worried that some bad man would break in while I was sleeping at attack me.  It was pretty irrational.  But, part of me worried that I’d get too comfortable on my own.  I don’t live in fear anymore.  And I sleep really soundly, actually. 

 

I used to have the same fantasy as every other single, heterosexual woman, the very one that was drilled into our pretty little pigtailed heads at a very tender age – that some handsome prince of a man would show up on his fiery steed and take me away, off into the sunset, where a shimmering castle awaited us, along with a closet full of designer ball gowns, Manolo glass slippers, and Harry Winston tiaras. 

 

Some women chase that dream with a fervor that’s borderline clinical.  Some women learn a different story, or create a new story. 

 

Some, like me, retell this story in this kind of fashion: smart, strong woman goes off to college, graduates, spends time in Europe, meets and falls in love with very smart, Harvard graduate, but then they break up, so she eventually moves on, then begins writing a novel, quits her corporate job to manage a wine shop, follows her passions, follows her passions, follows her passions and moves to the west coast to work for a winery, reconnects with her old love but, sadly the relationship comes to an abrupt end, she mourns but eventually gets back up and finishes her book, then, along with meditation and yoga, builds a stronger, happier, even more secure self, moves into a townhouse, by herself, decorates it just as she likes, travels, and continues to follow her passions – sometimes she’ll meet a really nice guy and date, and it will likely not turn into a happily ever after, and that’s just fine – because she has lots of friends and maybe, if it’s meant to be, she’ll find someone to share all of that good stuff with, but if not, that’s okay, too, because she can always adopt a child and write another book.

 

It’s wonderful to be able to write your own rules to this game of life.  You don’t have to color within the lines.  You don’t have to roll the dice or spin a wheel and go in the direction that you are told.  You can go freestyle.  And still get the prize at the end of the game.

 

Yeah, I am brave.  I am bold.  And I can hold my own spirit.

 

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Day 317: Traffic Court, Dangerous Garlic Pommes Frites & My Writing Group

Wednesday, July 30

I had to leave work early today to go to traffic court in Tigard for my accident.  I was given a citation even though the accident wasn’t entirely my fault.  The judge asked me how I plead, and I said guilty with the chance for an explanation.  He warmly addressed me, noting my perfect driving record, and informed me that the officer didn’t even bother writing up a report.  So, he reduced the penalty, I paid it and was on my way.

 

It was over much faster than I thought, so, I drove into Portland to finish my notes for my writer’s group.  I went to the Everett Street Bistro in the Pearl and grabbed a table outside.  For dinner I had the organic greens salad with warm goat cheese and pickled red onions, and then the pommes frites, which were guaranteed gluten-free, that were prepared with rosemary, herbs and whole roasted cloves of garlic.  It was divine!  I had a glass of pink bubbles with it.  As I noshed on the savory frites, I thought it was a good thing I didn’t have a boyfriend!  I was going to reek of onions and garlic.

 

After, I drove over to St. Johns to the Writer’s Dojo for my writer’s group.  It was a good night of helping my co-writers.  We had lively discussions and, after a mention of ET, even looked up the song Heartlight by Neil Diamond because the group couldn’t believe the song was the theme of ET.  We Googled it.  By the end of the evening, we were talking about a writing event, where we’d write on napkins – cocktail napkins, linen napkins and then the one dude in the group said sanitary napkins, to which I asked how the name ever came to be.  I said, they’re not really napkins and after awhile, not so sanitary.  We laughed.  And then I said, what about the tampon?  Where does that name come from?  I’ll bet there was a German guy named Tampon who came up with them.  Our token guy, and host, put on a German accent and said, “you shove ze tampon in and it clogs ze flow.”  So, we Googled tampons, as well, a word that’s root is French for “plug”.  So, naturally, we all started annunciating loudly ‘tampon’ with French accents.  Anyway, it was a fun night and we got a lot accomplished.  I’m really grateful to be a part of this writer’s group. 

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Day 316: Reconnecting with a Fishtrap Friend & Learning About The Last Lecture

Tuesday, July 29

At work, I finally reached out to my friend, Beth, from Fishtrap.  I had been meaning to write her since I got back.  She had mailed me an invite to a women’s writers weekend at her home in Corvalis in August called geochronicity.  I was very excited about this.  I am experiencing a continuation of writing community, sharing and development – all affirmations that I’m on the right path.

 

In the afternoon Carolyn came over with the kids.  She showed me her photos from the pre-IPNC wine dinner.  She did a great job.  I was very excited with her work.

 

When I left work, I headed over to Target to return some items for work.  I talked to my mother and when I parked in the lot, I read three of my poems to her that I submitted for Fishtrap’s Anthology.  My mother got a little emotional.  It was a kind, affirming, loving support. 

 

When I got home, I went to the gym and ran for thirty minutes.  It felt good to work out, to sweat and push myself.  I have been inconsistent with my workouts.  If I wasn’t working so late at night on my writing, I’d love to wake early and get my workouts over with in the morning. 

 

Back at home, I finished off the gazpacho, again with lump crab meat, corn salsa and cilantro, served with gluten-free cornbread while I read this week’s submissions from my writer’s group.

 

When I finished, I had ABC on and it was a Primetime Special on Randy Pausch, the incomparable professor and motivational speaker who had written the best selling book The Last Lecture before dying of pancreatic cancer.  The show gutted me.  I couldn’t stop crying.   I took away a couple of key messages from Pausch and his widow.  One, he said there are two kinds of people: Tiggers and Eyores.  He says with jubilance, I am a Tigger!  Through all the pain and agony of one of the deadliest cancers, this inspiring husband and father of three young children, kept his spirits, just like a Tigger, to the very end.  Again, I cried my eyes out.   He spoke about St. Francis’ Serenity Prayer, which is like my mantra – God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Yeah, more tears from me. 

 

And finally, before Randy had passed on, Diane Sawyer asked his beautiful wife how she managed to get through the pain and trauma of her husband’s terminal illness, and she talked about the moments the negative voices enter her mind and say, “this might be the last time you all go to the ball park; or this might be the last time you all go to Disney”, and her therapist taught her to combat those voices with the mantra: That’s not helping.  It’s a simple statement, but it bears so much weight.  It can be applied exponentially.  I decided I would borrow that statement, that mantra, that I would beat down my own negative voices in the same spirit.  And I have many negative voices that like to burst my bubble, bring me down, kick me when I’m down and rub salt on each and every wound, especially when it comes to my writing and to my love life (or lack there of).

 

I was moved by this man and his wife.  I am going to pick up his book and prolong honoring his spirit, taking in, like a good pupil, his last lecture.

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Day 315: An Evening of Poetry at Powell’s & the 32nd Anniversary of Calyx Press

Monday, July 28

I found out last night that Powell’s was hosting the 32^nd Anniversary of Calyx Press that celebrates and publishes women’s writing.  Among the readers for this special event included Paulann Petersen (who I met at Fishtrap) and Ursula K. LeGuin. 

 

I got up and got ready for work.  It was my day to water the plants and vegetables on the deck.  I had a lot of catch up work to do.  At 1:25 I left for a manager’s meeting at the office of our business coach in Portland.  We were working on business planning for the next five years, projecting up to 2013.

After, I drove downtown and went to Powell’s Books on Burnside.  I wandered around and picked up two of the books on my list that I made while at Fishtrap, including:

 

The Making of a Poem: A Norton Anthology of Poetic Forms by Mark Strand and Eavan Boland, which is a “primer that ‘looks squarely at some of the headaches and mysteries of poetic form’, where each chapter is devoted to each form with explanation and samples”.

 

Writing the Australian Crawl: Views on the Writer’s Vocation by William Stafford, a book that suggests, “a writer isn’t simply a craftsman with something to say and the skill to say it.  Rather, a writer brings those attributes into a process that is filled with exciting emergencies and opportunities.  In the end, something emerges that is greater than the sum of its parts”.

 

Then, I found these books in the poetry section:You Must Revise Your Life: Poets on Poetry by William Stafford, with a back that includes the following on the back jacket – “A writer is not so much someone who has something to say as he is someone who has found a process that will bring about new things he would not have thought of if he had not started to say them.” Which came from Stafford’s Writing the Australian Crawl.

 

 

And then The Muses Among Us: Eloquent Listening and Other Pleasures of The Writer’s Craft by Kim Stafford which is described as “an inviting, encouraging book for writers at any stage of their development. … Guiding us from such glimmerings through to a finished piece are a wealth of experiments, assignments, and tricks of the trade that Stafford has perfected over thirty years of classes, workshops, and other gatherings of writers”.

 

This book begins with a poem by Kim Stafford, which I include without permission:

 

Kinds of Writers

 

Emily distilling spent days

into an attar of verse.  Or Bashō: bamboo.
Or St. Francis, living the life that commands others
to tell his stories.  Or a Bard with a mind like mossy

shelves heavy with tales.  Or Anansi, spinning creation.

Rumi and Rama spinning spirit.  Or Walt Whitman’s

mother, to bear such a child.  Scheherazade, telling

stories for life, night by night.  Or Homer, whose life-
work of two poems is enough.  Or on the mountain,

singer of the Song of Songs.  Yes, I prefer anonymous –

her naked, indelible call.  Your own grandmother softly
putting you to sleep with a hum.  Or best of all,

someone we have not yet read, someone wide-eyed,

big-hearted, listening among us now, whose fist

can barely hold a pen.

 

I also bought two literary journals, including the July issue of Calyx celebrating it’s 32^nd Anniversary and Alimentum – The Literature of Food.  I will submit my work to both journals.  I was thrilled, focused and ready.

 

I climbed the stairs to the third floor and waited for the Calyx Celebration to begin.  When Paulanne Petersen arrived, I went up to her to say hello and reintroduce myself since having met her at Fishtrap.  I then sat down to wait.  All five women readers were amazing, the highlights being Paulanne and Ursula.  I felt very fortunate to have had the opportunity to make it to this reading.  I saw another fellow Fishtrapper, who was in Paulanne’s workshop.  And Paulann’s husband, Ken, a kind gentleman who offered to email me Paulanne’s reading schedule for her new book.  On my way out I introduced myself to the woman who served as Emcee, an employee of Calyx.  I was even more determined to send my work.

 

When I left, at 8:40 p.m. I was really jazzed about the path I was on. 

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Day 314: IPNC Recovery, Grocery Shopping & Good Gluten Free Eats

Sunday, July 27

I woke up at 8:15 a.m. with a heinous headache.  I had a blast last night but imbibed a little too much bubbly.  I threw my stuff together, dressed and headed back home.  On my way, I dropped off my IPNC pass for another co-worker to use it for Sunday events.

 

As soon as I got home, I dropped my bags on the floor in my living room, tossed my pillow on the sofa and fell asleep until noon.  The three extra hours of sleep saved my life.

 

I abruptly got up and made a list of things I needed to do.  I headed over to Walgreens to pick

up ant traps.  There was a trail from the dining room window heading to the cat food dishes on the kichen floor.

Then I stopped by Safeway and Whole Foods for specific groceries, which included gazpacho, gluten-free corn bread, heirloom tomatoes, lump crab meat, lettuce, strawberries, grapes, cantaloupe, and these amazing new gluten-free, organic crackers by Mary’s Gone Crackers in Black Pepper (made with brown rice, quinoa, flax seeds and sesame seeds).  I also picked up smoked halibut spread by Gerard & Dominique Seafoods based in Woodinville, WA.

 

When I got home, I opened up the halibut spread and gluten-free black pepper crackers, which was delicious!  I watched the movie Ten Things I Hate About You with Julia Stiles and Heath Ledger on one of the regular networks.  Meantime, I worked on my novel revision.

 

Later, for dinner I had gazpacho with lump crabmeat, topped with roasted corn salsa and fresh cilantro served with organic tortilla chips.  For dessert had a Klondike Slim-A-Bear vanilla bar in a bowl with fresh organic strawberries, and two small Glutino Dream Bites chocolate cookies with fudge middles, followed by a soothing cup of hot Yogi Tea in Indian Spice with local honey.  I relaxed and continued working on my revision notes for my book.

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Day 313: IPNC Vineyard Seminar, A NW Salmon Bake & The After Party

Saturday, July 26

I woke up at around 7:30 to get an early start and meet up with colleagues to pass along our IPNC passes (my office was exchanging passes to attend different seminars and events of IPNC).  I carpooled with Jerry and Meg to the IPNC breakfast at Linfield College. 

After, I got on my assigned bus, along with my boss and Meg, and we went to Belle Pente in the Yamhill-Carlton AVA.  The theme this year, and thus the topic of the day, was on sustainability.  Our group walked into the vineyard to learn more about and witness the sustainable farming practices at Belle Pente.  The vineyard seminar was followed by a general discussion about sustainability in the winery in the barrel room.  The panel included winemakers from Santa Barbara, CA, Burgundy, France and two Oregon locations, including the host.

 

 

 

 

Following the seminar, lunch was served outside at a handful of round tables decorated for a wine country celebration.  The chef was from Seattle.  The food was delicious, again following the local, seasonal, sustainable ‘farm-to-table’ model so cherished in the Northwest.

 

I enjoyed chatting with the goats.  I know.  Not the smartest animals to chat with.  But, they were actually very sweet.

 

We returned to Linfield and I met up with the Oregon Wine Board girls and hung out on the lawn, while the afternoon session of wine tasting and a farmers market food tasting was going on.

When the afternoon sessions were over, I drove back with Meg to her place to change for dinner.  I was exhausted and even tempted to take a nap, but I knew better.  I hoped for a second wind.

 

I put on a long, comfy sundress and met Kerry in her room at Linfield College.  We walked over to the Northwest Salmon Bake and waited in line with our friends from Anne Amie, who brought in a vintage bottle of Roderer Champagne.

 

Once in, we grabbed a cluster of tables and toasted the Champagne.  The decorations were really pretty – the set up was amazing in the middle of an Oregon white oak grove where lanterns hung and bounced on the soft wind.  We retrieved our dinner of baked salmon and an assortment of lovely salads.  We sipped on different vintages and regions of Pinot and Chardonnays.  It was so much fun!

 

 

There was a photo booth with all kinds of crazy wigs and boas.  We took many goofy group photos.  It was hilarious.  By the end of the evening, we hit the dance floor.  Our friend, Kim, brought a baguette on the dance floor and smacked some unsuspecting booties and then turned it into a limbo bar. 

 

After the celebration, we all headed back to Meg and Jerry’s for their After Salmon Bake Bubbly Party.  Which was a crazy fun bash.  I nearly cleaned up the charcuterie plate, I was so hungry.  I didn’t eat much at the Salmon Bake.  We had some spectacular bubbles from around the globe, including Oregon, France, Australia, and California. 

Someone brought on the red licorice for bubbly straws…

As the party was dwindling, at around 2:30 a.m., I made my way up to my room and went to sleep.  There were still people downstairs now sipping on Grand Cru Burgundy and oysters. 

It was a great IPNC.  Tonight was one of the most fun times I’ve had in wine country, or in Portland, really, for a long time.  The best part was dancing with the baguette on the dance floor and the photo booth!  We actually brought back a bunch of baguettes from the Salmon Bake for the after party, including the one that made its way on the dance floor!

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Day 312: The Start to IPNC

Friday, July 25

I slept in.  I was exhausted after a long work day and event.  I eventually got up and got to work just after noon.  IPNC was well underway and I would participate later in the afternoon.

 

I spent the afternoon getting caught up on work missed from a day setting up the wine dinner event last night.  I took an afternoon break and used a coupon I had for an iced mocha latte at the Coffee Cottage in Newberg.

 

When I was finished with work, at around 6:00 p.m., I changed into a cute gray strapless summer sundress with a couple of faint pink flowers on it, touched up my make-up and drove out to Linfield College in McMinnville for the International Pinot Noir Celebration (IPNC).  I got there for the evening’s Alfresco dinner, where I met up with co-workers and colleagues, and then we walked over to the Grand Dinner.  I sat at a table with members and friends from the Oregon Wine Board, a couple other winery principals, and a handful of writers.  It was a nice dinner.

 

After, Shirley and I went to Double Deluxe in Mac for a nightcap.  We thought there would be more IPNC attendees there to hang out, but it was mostly locals.  We shared a drink with a couple of colleagues and then called it a night.  I stayed over at my friends’ Jerry and Meg’s house right down the street so I wouldn’t have to drive back and forth to my home.

 
I was glad for a decent night’s sleep, as tomorrow night would be a little bit more of a marathon, following the annual Salmon Bake, going into a bubbly party at my host’s house.

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Day 311: Putting on a Special Event

Thursday, July 24

When I woke up this morning, I said aloud, “today we get to throw a party!”  It’s an exciting feeling to be able to put on a special event that is going to be memorable for so many.  I went to pick up the printed menus, more flowers at Trader Joe’s…beautiful purple orchids, etc.  And I was on my way to the winery.

Once there, my co-worker and I got to work setting up tables for our pre-IPNC dinner.  The service team we hired showed up and we got to begin working our magic.  The tables were set and decorated in beautiful, rich browns, tans and shimmering gold and bronze, topped with smooth river stones, candles and white orchid blossoms artfully placed around the hurricane lamps, which were filled a third of the way with more river stones.  It was an earthy, natural beauty.

By the time we set everything up, lined up and chilled the wines that need to be chilled, I stole away to the restroom to change.  By 5:30, some of the guests began to arrive.  To summarize the evening, the event went really, really well.  The food was beautiful, fresh, seasonal and a pleasure for the palate.  The wines paired well with the intrigue of some older vintages, which made for an even more interesting experience.  The interaction with guests was lively and engaging.  I was really pleased.

After all the guests left, the chefs left and the service staff drove away, a few of us stayed behind to organize the rentals, clean up the tasting room and wash through trays of wine glasses.  We didn’t leave until around 12:45 a.m.

It was a very long day but a highlight for my work.

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