Wednesday, April 30
Call it the promise of better weather – we Portlanders have had a taste of some sunshine and warmth, and despite the bizarre April weather, we’re happily welcoming a more promising May – but, in the spirit of hope and change, I am turning a new leaf.
I am realizing that opening myself up to love is all about perspective. I have opened myself up to love of self, friends, animals, earth, family, vocation and even Portland! That’s been the stimulus to this blog. But, where I have failed to properly open myself up is in the arena of romantic love. Now, I don’t want to get trite or lame here.
Romantic or not, and despite what The Oregonian implied of me and my blog, “Leah Jorgensen is looking for love. …”, from Margie Boule’s March 23 column, I am not desperate!
The thing is, I have been repelling love. I had this almost egotistical too-good-for-love attitude. I found individuals stuck in couplehood to be annoying and lame (not really). But, I believed the women in those relationships gave up their independence, sense of self and happiness just to be in a relationship, to follow society’s archiac and masogynistic rule. I know, I know…
This has only led to me toiling over wanting love, then not wanting love, then wanting love, then not wanting love, then wanting love… just like a woman, right?! But my fear is real. I don’t want to lose myself in a relationship. This terrifies me. Compromise often turns bright, successful, educated, savvy, interesting women into lesser versions of themselves, and, often they turn into mommies and cleaning ladies to their uninteresting, ungrateful men. Ugh. I’m just not willing to do that.
I often think that married people should live apart. That way, if the guy wants to be a gross slob he can do so without the nagging, he can have all of his gross friends over to drink beer, smoke cigars, play poker and watch Sports Center and porn. And if a woman wants a clean, healthy, lovely home she can bask in her happy solitude. The best part, as soon as she feels a twinge of loneliness, she can go over to her husband’s place, hang out, get a little nookie and then go back to her clean, pretty domain. Am I the only one who thinks that makes perfect sense???
I know what the next question is…what about the kids? Ah, the kids. If the kids are slobs they live with their slobby father. If they are neat and clean and perfect like mommy dearest, then they get to stay with her.
I know there needs to be compromise. But are people really happy when they have to compromise all of the time? And does it make you selfish if you are annoyed by having to compromise all of the time. I love the phrase ’you pick your battles’. Hmmm. Not sure if I subscribe to that one. Point is, it’s not easy.
And on ABC’s Nightline last night I had a good laugh on a segment about geneticists claiming men will become extinct and women will prevail and continue to reproduce without the need for sperm. Researchers say that’s going to happen sooner than later and than men’s sperm counts are on the decline. What?!?!
The report asserts:
“The Y chromosome is passed from father to son, it’s what makes babies into boys. Basically the human template is a female: the Y chromosome kicks in a few weeks after conception and makes a boy. “Men are genetically modified women,” explained Sykes. But unlike other chromosomes, the Y chromosome can’t repair itself and will, says Sykes, disappear altogether in about 125,000 years.”
“Every generation one percent of men will have a mutation which reduces their fertility by 10 percent,” explained Sykes. Unlike most chromosomes, the Y does not travel through the generation in pairs, so can never repair itself from a mirror. Flaws are never repaired. “So if that goes on for generation after generation,” Sykes argued, “eventually there are no functioning Y chromosomes left.” So no more men…”
“But would the absence of men make the world a better place? There would be far fewer wars without men on the planet, and the U.S. prison population would drop a colossal 97 percent. Road deaths in the U.S. would fall 70 percent.”
Wow. And then the report posted this:
“But surely, flawed Y chromosome or not, bad behavior or not, we are needed for procreation. Women can’t have babies without us … right? I’m afraid, pretty soon they won’t need our sperm, our chromosomes, our anything. “
“Until now, female-only reproduction has been limited to the plant and animal kingdom. So-called parthenogenesis, observed in the Cape Honey Bee, the Kimono Dragon and the hammerhead shark. In humans: confined to 1950s B movies. But Sykes says the technology for women to procreate without us is just around the corner. “
This makes me wonder – am I just a super-evolved woman who simply realizes her sustainability without the need for a man? No, I am much more enlightened and compassionate than that. I don’t hate men and I certainly don’t want to spend my entire life alone. Don’t get me wrong. I clearly love my freedom and space to think, to create, to grow and to just be. It’s glorious. But, I suspect I will eventually open my heart up at some point. Yet I will only open my heart to the kind of man who recognizes I can’t compromise myself for the relationship, that I need to be respected, embraced and cherrished for who I am. I will try my best to do the same. But, I refuse to be his cleaning lady. Period. If he doesn’t know how to keep a clean, clear livable space, he should move back in with his mother for a year and learn what she failed to teach him the first time around.
All kidding aside, I am optimistic that I will find a life partner in every definition of that concept. It’s all about perspective and lightening up! And I will pledge to do what I can to help sustain the male specie!
I include a few of the lines of his lyrics without permision:
…Before the cool done run out
I’ll be giving it my bestest
Nothing’s going to stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it’s again my turn to win some or learn some
I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, Im yours
Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn your free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love
…I won’t hesitate no mor, no more
It cannot wait I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I’m yours
No please, don’t compromise
Our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours
No please, don’t hesitate
no more, no more
It cannot wait
The sky is yours!
Young songwriter Mraz got it right. Oh wait, he’s not that young. Wikipedia has him born in 1977. Datable. Totally datable. Anyway, to his point in the song. Life is too short. You just have to open up your mind and look into your heart and you’ll find love right there. Yup, this is my new theme song.
Wait a minute! Maybe that means that the love right there, that I found from this song, links me to the songwriter. No way. Maybe Jason Mraz, singer-songwriter from Virginia (I’m from Virginia!) is the love of my life.
Again, I hope there aren’t psychologists out there analyzing my blog…