Sunday, January 27
I got up and quickly dressed for Church. I put my writing stuff in a bag. I fed my kitties - my two babies and our temporary outdoor tennant. I had made signs to post in the surrounding neighborhoods – I will print them on Monday, post them immediately, and hopefully will hear from an owner who lost the poor kitty, waiting desperately for her return. Meantime, I sent an email to friends hoping someone will know someone who will want to take in a kitty in the event that she doesn’t get claimed. I am hopeful.
Off I went to church. It was a nice Mass – the priest talked about Christ and his disciples walking around Galilee, and that it was a place like a crossroads – many different cultures were going in and out of Galilee, caravans of traders, journeymen, etc. Christ and his disciples walked around the streets of Galilee as a brotherhood, showing their united faith to all they’d pass by, radiating light and peace, smiling at people, helping out those in need. The priest reminded us, as a united Parish, to go out to the streets of Portland and radiate our own lanterns of light – to smile at people, offer help when we can, demonstrate our faith in all that we do. I loved his sermon.
When I left, I did my best to practice what I was instructed today. I went to Blue Hour and sat at the bar for brunch. The bartender was a nice guy originally from upstate New York, a Syracuse graduate and professional artist. I worked on a couple of writing exercises from my The Way of Story book. I ordered the French Press coffee, which is a special blend made for Blue Hour by Stumptown – my favorite coffee in the northwest. I had the poached eggs on cooked spinach and portabello mushrooms with rosti potatoes and since I couldn’t do gluten, the bartender substituted with a fresh fruit plate of orange, grapefruit and apple. I made a mistake, though, my eggs had hollandaise sauce, which has wheat (gluten) in it. Within an hour I felt nauseaus and I was starting to get anxious.
I left Blue Hour and went up to Dosha to pick up a couple of Aveda products I needed. Then, I left Portland and headed back toward Tigard. I stopped by Bridgeport Village and went to Whole Foods. In addition to a short list of things I needed, I grabbed a bag of Glutino’s gluten-free pretzels – never had their pretzels before. I also bought some cat grass for them to snack on to aid in digestion. I bought two lovely indoor house plants for my living room. After, I drove up 99W/Pacific Highway toward a garden center to pick up a large copperish pot for one of my new plants.
When I got home to unload all my groceries and things, Shadow met me and kept following me. She’s very cute. I wish I could find her owner (if she’s lost) or a new one. She deserves a happy home and I’m working on it! I brought up all my stuff, fed her and my kitties, and got to work inside. I put stuff away, found the perfect place for my plants in my living room, by the fire place and patio door, and then vacuumed, while prepping for soup. I was sweating!
When I was upstairs, I noticed my tongue had a white film. I know this to be a symptom of autoimmune disease. Which, given my gluten intake today, I got anxious about. I finally went online and looked up autoimmune diseases – which are more common with women than men – but they include MS, diabetes, Lupus, Graves and other thyroid diseases. I panicked. I was worried that I had a thyroid disease, or worse, MS; I was feeling like a hypochondriac. I then opened a more reputable medical site and Celiac disease was one of the first autoimmune diseases listed. I felt like a paranoid idiot. While I knew that Celiac disease affected the immune system, it did not occur to me that Celiac was an autoimmune disease. Duh. I panicked for no reason. Clearly, when the white tongue appears, it had been after times when I had gluten exposure. I should have known better. It’s actually been one of my first symptoms, only, idiot me didn’t put two and two together. I did get sick today from the hollandaise. I called my mom and confessed I haven’t been 100% on top of my gluten free diet. While I’m about 95% on track at home, when I dine out, which is pretty often, I let it slide. I eat a lot of sauces that I know I shouldn’t. Part of me thinks it won’t kill me, so a little here and there won’t hurt. But then, I get the symptoms and I’m immediately reminded why I need to stick to the diet. It’s so hard. I don’t expect sympathy, because there are a lot worse conditions I could have, but, it’s such a tough diet to follow. I often feel remorseful for having what seems like so many restrictions. After talking to my mom, I promise her and myself that I will do better with my diet. I don’t need the extra stress and anxiety.
I think I’ve finally put my health anxieties to rest, though. No more worrying over my congestion and “allergy” symptoms. I started a journal for when I get congested, runny nose, sneezing and itchy/watery eyes. So far, I have noticed symptoms peaking when I imbibe wine and coffee. I wonder if I have a sensitivity to sulfites and caffeine? Not the typical anxiety here, I’m just trying to figure out what the allergist did not so that I can cut out whatever I’m sensitive to.
Time to relax. I lit some candles and took in deep breaths. It’s time to start changing my outlook, to stop feeling sick and dreary, and to focus on the good, to be healthy-minded, to eat mindfully, to make more of an effort at this crazy life.
I ate my soup and tried to relax. I realize how important vitamins and supplements are to my diet. I am going to start taking the pro-biotic religiously. I will keep up with my Omega-3 intake, now by way of flax seed oil and lignon supplements. I am taking a women’s one a day. And I’m going to just try to do my best.
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