Day 23: On Becoming a Lotus Flower

Monday, October 8
11:15 p.m.

“You must learn to be still in the midst of activity and to be vibrantly alive in repose.”
 – Mahatma Ghandi

It’s Columbus Day.  My fellow co-worker paesana, Jen, and I wish each other Happy Italian~American Day!

I didn’t sleep well the previous night.  There’s been a wicked cold going around at work that came with a dry, itchy back-of-the-throat cough.  I made myself a small bowl of brown rice pasta and Puttanesca sauce with lots of spicy red pepper and a glass of sparkling water.  It helped me to fall asleep, oddly enough, after doing ten sun salutations.

I haven’t meditated or practiced yoga in a couple months.  And I felt it!  These exercises in breathing help promote health, balance and general well-being.  I was missing this!

About a month ago, I picked up a couple of books on meditation at one of my favorite bookstores – New Renaissance on 23^rd Street in NW Portland.  I was visiting town on business.  One of the books, The Meditation Year: A Seasonal Guide to Contemplation, Relaxation & Visualization by Jane Hope, opens with the following in the introduction “everyone in the world wants to find peace of mind and avoid suffering or un-happiness…”  The word “meditation” has many meanings, but its ancient roots go back to Sanskrit words related to healing, wisdom and learning.  To truly meditate, one must clear her mind, escaping from the noisy chaos that inhabits thoughts and emotions to quietness, silence and stillness.

I haven’t had quiet, silence or stillness, except for when I’d go to sleep at night.  To which I should add, as I have mentioned before, I have been sleeping way better here in my new home than in my noisy-traffic-static-laden diminutive apartment in Redmond.  This is a big deal!

But, I haven’t had the meditation that allows me to focus in on that ever-important healing, balancing breath.

It’s important to reserve a place especially for meditation, kept free from clutter, reminders of work, hobbies and reading, which can obviously distract.  I tried to do this, but because of limited space, I have my office work space sharing my meditation-themed room.  But, I am convinced I can make it work.

I printed out a yoga schedule from Yoga Pearl.  I really want to get back into it, especially the hot yoga or power Vinyassa, which is so good for my injury-prone ankles and knees.  I know that by including yoga and meditation into my life routine, it will help me bring to fruition my quest for happiness, balance and well being.  It’s a commitment to self love, a commitment I am more than happy to make.  My heart and soul are in the right place.  I feel like a lotus flower slowly opening up to possibility.

“Harmony is eating and resting, sleeping and waking: balance in all you do.  This is the path to peace.”  - Bhagavad Gita

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Day 22: A Civilized Happy Hour & the Man with the Fake Prosthetic Arm

Sunday, October 7
11:30 p.m.

I always look forward to my Sundays for spiritual enlightenment and brunch at Blue Hour.  At Mass, the Priest told a story about a woman who did so many acts of kindness and service for those in need.  She was considered a saint by many who knew of her work.  She vehemently protested.  She explained that she was no different, no more special or saintly than anyone else.  She said she just did what she knew needeed to be done.  She did the work that God wanted us all to do, and that work was service toward others, looking out for our fellow brothers and sisters.  Her message to all was that everyone could and should get to work!  Her message inspired me.  It’s a path that I’ve been heading on.  I haven’t worked out the details of my service, but I’m on my way.  I want to make a difference.  Not for personal gain, but to simply do my part.

Afterward, at Blue Hour, we asked our new server friend, Jeff, what the restaurant name meant.  He said it was the French idea of when it’s time to wind down and have a cocktail, to relax.  This is different than an afternoon siesta.  Rather, it’s more like happy hour – but not an excuse for excess or a reason to get drunk.  It’s a more civilized version of that. 

Kerry dished out about her date the night before with Cheesy One-Liner Guy.  This was the guy we met a week ago that looked like George Stephanopolis.  She pretty much laughed off the date.  He would too generously dote out cheesy one-liners, trying to be funny, but, he wasn’t really funny at all.  Kerry would stare blankly, clearly missing the humor and feeling awkward for not “getting” him.While brunching with my girls, I received a text from Aaaron with 3 A’s.  That’s not really how he spells his name, but his “stripper” friend, Jason, put his name and number in my Blackberry like that.  Goofball.  He mentioned in his text that they were going out for a little later.

I drove back home, went to the gym for a good run, then ran out for a bowl of Pho.  I felt refreshed.  I texted back that I’d meet these yahoos out.  I didn’t want to fall into my old patterns of passing on social opportunities to sit by myself in front of the television, making friends with the desperate housewives and then brothers and sisters.  So I got dressed, did my hair and met Aaaron, Jason the stripper~lawyer, their friend John~from~Kentucky, who was in town to run the Portland Marathon earlier in the day (it’s his goal to qualify for and run in every city’s marathon this year), and then Kenny the Kid, who indeed looked like a cross between Steve Carell (of The Office and The Forty Year Old Virgin) and Colin Farrell.  He was hilarious and very random.  He pretended to have a bum arm and lifted it around with his other arm to move it, as if it were a heavy prosthetic made of steel.  He never ended the bum arm act.

Note:  this is what kills me about these guys, they don’t drop character, they don’t end the acts and return to reality.  There’s never a “but, seriously” moment.  I wonder if this is really funny and entertaining or bizarre and wacked out.  I just went with it, I laughed on.

Finally, we left ¡Oba! and my car was parked right outside of the restaurant.  I asked Aaaron and Kenny the Kid if they needed a ride to their car.  Kenny, still with his fake bum arm, nodded yes.  Aaaron said, “sure!”  So Aaaron jumped up front and lead me to the end of the block, he directed me to take a right, we drove up another block, he told me to take a left, we drove up two blocks, then back down another street.  As we’re driving around, I kept wondering where the hell did this guy park???  Finally, seven minutes later, we made our way down a small, dark, tree-lined street.  He told me to take a left.  And there we were right back in front of ¡Oba!  What??  His car was parked right outside of the restaurant all along, about ten yards from where my car was originally parked.You can’t make this shit up.

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Day 21: Just Another Day Off at the “Office”

Saturday, October 6
11:25 p.m.

So much for staying away from work on my day off.  Thing is, I really don’t mind hanging out at the winery, putting in a little extra time for work, checking out the fruit as it comes in from different vineyard sites, paying attention to the work that the harvest crew is up to.  There’s an energy, a wave, a rhythm, a hum to this place. 

I was so happy from my previous day of help, even if there were earwigs on me from working the sorting line.  I kept joking with the crew that I was earwigging out.  An earwig, which is a weird little elongated, flattened brown bug, was in my bellybutton and I freaked out.  One of the crew, a cutie pie from New England, laughed at me.  They’re used to going home each night with earwigs in their hair and clothes.  I decide that’s the one thing about harvest that I do not like.

So, because I was still blissed out from working the line, and because I like our harvest crew so, I picked up a half dozen pizzas for the day crew.  It was nice to do something nice for them.  They’re working these killer hours doing killer work. Today the largest tonnage of fruit was coming in.  It was going to be a long, hard day.  They deserved nice gestures.  The boss insisted I turn in my receipt – he was appreciative of my gesture, but I understood where he was coming from.  So, I promised I’d turn in my receipt on Monday.

After I got some work done, I left and went home and took a much needed nap with my cats.  There’s something so wonderfully snuggly and comforting about an afternoon nap.  And in the company of nap-adoring cats makes it extra cozy.  Yeah, it was a good Saturday.  Even if I did go in to the “office”. 

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Day 20: Working on the Line Then Passing Out on Wine

Friday, October 5
(written on Saturday, 11:30 a.m.)

Today Kerry took the day off and arrived at the winery, ready to volunteer for harvest.  We had several tons of Pinot Noir and Chardonnay grapes coming in, and with the rain on and off, about 2% of the fruit started to develop botrytis, a mold that can ruin crops, if not managed.  We sorted fruit on the sorting line.  It’s the kind of work that can get very tedious and monotonous for the harvest crew, but to the occasional helper, it’s pretty exciting to participate and to get a hands-on sense of the quality of fruit for the season.  It was very interesting to see what botrytis looked like; it ranged from pink to gray fuzz and almost looked like a dead mouse balled up in the middle of the bunch.  Clearly, we’d grab those bunches and dump them.  We also pulled twigs, bugs and leaves from the sorting line.  But, mostly, we were looking for moldy fruit. 

The harvest crew is a cool bunch.  They always are.  They’re the rock stars of the wineries, really – young, hip, tattooed, pierced and hard-working.  You have to be a bit hard core to handle the harvest season.  It requires super long hours of exhausting work.  Our crew consists of a bunch of foodies – they are passionate about good food and wine.  It’s pretty cool to keep company with people who favor the same lifestyle of healthy, mindful, flavorful eating.  I love the energy at harvest – the thrill of awaiting fruit, rushing to handle it as it comes in from the vineyard, and the random conversation about what’s going on in the winery to the best kind of local honey to go with hot tea, which opened up a whole other conversation on whether it should be green, black, red, white or herbal tea. 

I left the winery just after 6:30 p.m. and drove over to the assistant winemaker’s house.  I am friends with his wife.  Another co-worker and other friend arrived, as well.  We enjoyed delicious cheese, pears, bread and a beet salad.  We managed to consume nearly four bottles of wine!  I was so tired from the chaotic day, that I started falling asleep.  My friend had put her kids to bed, then put me to bed in the guest room!  I woke up at 4:00 a.m. and snuck out to go home.  We laughed about this for a few days.

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Day 19: Spanning the Old Gal’s Network & Yearning for Meditative Bliss

Thursday, October 4
10:30 p.m.

For the first time since I’ve relocated, I finally have my access pass at my apartment and the time to go to the gym!  I managed to get in a refreshing, invigorating thirty-minute run.  I downloaded the day in my mind and considered a big breakthrough.  I used my college alumnae website to research a literary agent.  What’s great about graduating from Sweet Briar College is that it’s an “old gal’s network”.  Sweet Briar women look out for their own.  It’s a wonderful network of smart, successful, giving women.  I found one contact who seemed like the right kind of person to query for advice on how to get represented and published.

I thought about how much I missed meditating.  I hadn’t meditated since before I started packing for my move back in August.  My special room will be so wonderful.  The decorating has been on hold.  I need office materials for my desk, to better organize the clutter.  I need a small book case to house notebooks and my writing journals.  I need to put up my curtain rod and curtains.  I need to hang pictures.  Then, I think the energy will be balanced enough for me to take advantage of meditation space.

I tried to work on my breathing on my sofa while I typed away on my blogs and my second novel.  But, it’s not the same.

Reaping benefits from breathing space goes without saying.  To seek the balance that comes with meditation is a very progressive and meaningful way to live.  It’s as important as eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep.  I look forward to living my life fully, implementing meditation back into my life to make myself more clear, more viable at work, more giving and present in my relationships, more available for community service.  These things are a huge part of my value system.  I miss meditating, smelling my special meditation incense, listening to my special meditation music and the stillness that comes with sitting like a statue, breathing in and out of my nose clearly, deeply, purposefully.  This is a platform for great love that expands far beyond myself.  I cannot wait to propel that love from within outward to the universe.

  

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Day 18: To All of Us Happy Ingénues Skipping Around Portland

Wednesday, October 3
11:58 p.m.

I love this city.  I know that I infer it in practically every other sentence I write.   But I was waiting to meet a friend at Jake’s Grill to chat about public relations stuff.  I was sitting at the bar chatting with the bartender, Gino, about Philly.  I was drinking a glass of Pinot and enjoying a few samples from the happy hour menu, including a delicious fish taco and mussels in a tomato based broth, when a lovely, tall woman who looked a bit like Sarah McLaughlin, with a long, dark ponytail, approached the bar and, oozing with charisma, asked if the barstool next to me was taken, and then swiftly ordered a Patron Anejo shot.  She was happy.  She sipped on it with evident pleasure and then threw the rest of her drink down.  She wiped her pretty mouth with the back of her hand like I imagined Clint Eastwood would in The Good, the Bad & the Ugly.   She then kissed the accompanying lime and tossed it into the emptied shot glass.  Bright eyed, she thanked Gino with a “thanks, doll” remark, sounding like a very cool Marlene Dietrich.  This happy tequila shot drinker was one of those timeless ingénues.  Even Gino blushed.  She threw down her cash and skipped out of the bar ready to take on the night.  I envied her aura and I wondered if I’d ever make that kind of impression. 

My friend eventually met me at Jake’s for a round, and then we stopped by New Seasons to pick up some victuals for dinner at our other friend’s apartment.  She made a glorious red pepper soup and we had some fantastic cheeses, as well as baby artichokes.  We sipped on wine and watched the series premiere of Pushing Daisies – which was a very original, engaging program.  I had brought a Blanxart dark chocolate bar from Spain.  Our hostess pulled out some glorious chocolate truffles from the same chocolatier.  We were three women in cocoa heaven.

Life is bittersweet and surprising, like Spanish chocolate.  I never had Spanish chocolate before!  But I couldn’t stop savoring the dark, melt-in-your-mouth cocoa.  It’s tantalizing and dusted with a hint of saltiness.  I think about the richness of sharing home-made food this season and finishing it with gourmet chocolates, all the while enjoying the company of fun, smart, interesting women friends.  We are all ingénues.  As I grab my purse on my way out, I hug my friend and snicker, “thanks, doll”.

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Day 17: Ordering Sushi & Asking the Universe for What We Want

Tuesday, October 2
11:55 p.m.

I met my good friend Susan after work for sushi.  It was raining out and neither one of us were in the mood to work out or cook.  We meet at Sinju at Bridgeport Village.  I have a nice, comforting cup of green tea, a seaweed-cucumber salad, panko-fried shrimp and a sushi roll special that was a California roll topped with melt-in-your-mouth Dungeness crab. We start chatting about moving on after break-ups.  And I started going on this tangent about asking the universe for what we want.

The thing is, many of my single women friends, and myself included, have spent our twenties focusing on education and our careers, following our dreams.  We asked for the great jobs, the career satisfaction, finding work we loved, or to finish that first novel.  While I always hoped I’d meet the right person, get married, have a family – that was all a part of what I had believed I was supposed to do in life, even if I really didn’t want it back then.  Else, it would have happened.  Now, I feel that I really am ready for these things.  So, I am asking the universe for it all.  And while for years I didn’t believe those things would come my way, nor was I sure I wanted them to, well, now I do believe those things will come my way.  And I am very positive and excited about the prospect of sharing my life with someone and starting a family.  I feel empowered, as a thirty-three year old woman, to do those things and continue to pursue my passions in the wine industry and with my writing.  I am better suited for it “all” and have more to offer and share at this point in my life, than I ever did or could before.

We chat about the goals we still have as single women.  Susan mentions she’d love to work abroad in a third world country, in a capacity that would make a difference in the world.  I challenge her if this will prevent her from asking the universe for what she wants, if it will take her focus and energy away from meeting the right one and settling down.  She contends that making a life change like this might lead her to the right person.  Which is entirely possible.  It’s a challenge to figure out how we’re supposed to live, how we’re supposed to evaluate and select our life’s options.  It reminds me of the chicken or egg parable – to which there’s no right answer on which comes first.  Do you continue to focus on your career and hope to run into your life partner, or, do you focus your time and energies on meeting the right one, and hope you can still do the things you love after finding that partner?We don’t have the answers and decide to scamper in the rain toward BCBG.  I buy a gown and shoes, she buys a gorgeous sweater.

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Day 16: Shopping at IKEA & Regressing on a Free Monday

Monday, October 1

11:09 p.m.

Because I worked over ten hours on a Sunday, my day off, I was able to take today off.  I drove to IKEA, near the airport, and bought a bookshelf, a sleeper sofa and shimmering blue-green silk curtains for my meditation room/office.  While I shopped I couldn’t stop smiling from the previous afternoon – I was just so stoked from making that dinner, for the crazy fun weekend I had.

When I got home, I put together the sofa and pulled on the nectarine orange cover.  I went out for Pho and wondered when I’d get my new home finished.  I love to decorate but I really get impatient when boxes and pictures line up against my walls, waiting to be hung on those walls, or new furniture remains in the box to be assembled.  I’m tired of assembling furniture!Which makes me think that it’s not so bad living in limbo, waiting to get my new place all together.  While I am single and able to put my home together how I want to, without having to check in with someone else for approval or an opinion, I am lucky to live the way I want to live.  And I think I might be regressing.  I like my quiet time, my lone dinners out for Pho and not having to worry about anyone else but myself.  Maybe it sounds selfish.  But, as I think about the eel that I met on Friday night, who just spent his first 24 hours as a San Francisco resident, and my ex, and all the potential “ones” I could have been with, I am reminded of why I love golf.  It’s not a team sport.  It’s all you, and you alone.  And I am good at it. 

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